Sigh.....I don't want to do this. I DON'T WANNA. No? Gotta do it? Well, ok. These are my most disappointing films of 2014! Note I'm saying disappointing. Not worst. These are not the worst films of the year. I just....I expected more from these films, and what I got was.....not that. That's what this list is. So, are you ready? I'm not. Let's do this!
Honorable Mention: The Interview
First off, gonna do an honorable mention. Remember when this was the official America: F*ck ya! movie? It seems so long ago and American Sniper did successfully make us completely forget about this film, but there was a time waaaaay back in December when everyone in the country wanted to see this movie because of the controversy that surrounded it. Then we saw it, and we realized that it was only alright. I'd love to see the analytics of how the movie is doing on Netflix now that it's there. My guess would honestly be that it's not doing so well. Or, not as well as they would've hoped. But ya. If you want to read my review of the film click here, if not just now this: it was incredibly forgettable. Hell, you probably saw it back then, and saw this picture and said oh ya! I remember this! But can't remember anything about this movie other than the fact that it had something to do with North Korea. Oh well. Moving on.
5) A Million Ways to Die in the West
I. Love. Seth. MacFarlane. The man can do no wrong. Unless if he puts himself in an Old West setting. Seriously though. THIS WAS THE FOLLOW UP TO TED? I know comedy is incredibly hit-and-miss, and I'm sure there were some people who loved this film, but after such an original and fun idea in Ted, you follow that up with an incredibly lazy and ridiculous Old West comedy? Really? C'mon, Seth. Were it not for the dance scene where Neil Patrick Harris got to be himself, this movie would've been a lot higher on the list. But at least that existed. Oh, and that's another point: there are sooooo many good people in this movie! And they almost all suck! Charlize Theron and Liam Neeson are just going through the motions. Amanda Seyfried can't really act in anything, (sorry for laying the smackdown on ya there Seyfried but it's true) and Seth MacFarlane is, well, not funny in this movie. HOW IS SETH MACFARLANE NOT FUNNY? Giovani Ribisi and Neil Patrick Harris are in this for a criminally short amount of time, and they are about the only good things about this movie. But at the end of the day it's just not funny! This is new Family Guy, not old Family Guy. And with a Ted sequel upcoming this year lacking one (1) Mila Kunis because of her work on the "masterpiece" Jupiter Ascending, (who's replaced with Seyfried, of course) my hopes are not too high for this year and Seth MacFarlane films. But Mark Wahlberg is coming back! That's good, right? After his stellar (cough cough) 2014. Don't you worry, folks: Mark Wahlberg's "great" 2014 will show up in full in a later list. That you don't want to be on. But I still believe, Seth! I know there is still greatness left in you! Somewhere!
4) American Sniper
I really don't want to talk about this film any more. Hey, didn't I say that already? Well, look. Let me just say this is the last time you're gonna hear my talk about this film. And this time, I'm gonna pick on the marketing campaign. This is not a bad movie. However, I was disappointed that Warner Brothers spent millions on a HUGE marketing campaign for the film marketing us something that the film is not. They marketed the film as a tale of morality, featuring a person who LITERALLY has someone's life in their hands and his struggle to decide to pull the trigger or not. Don't remember what I'm talking about? Well, let me help you out! Here's the TV spot we all saw over and over. Now, maybe you saw another one a lot, but in my area of the world this was the spot (or a similar spot showing this scene) that was played multiple times during football commercials from December 1 all the way through the Super Bowl. So, obviously, I'm expecting a lot of scenes with the tension of a difficult decision like the one Kyle faces in that ad. Did I get that? Absolutely not. That's only were my problems begin with this film, and if you want to see my review on the movie click here, but I don't really feel like going any further into it than that. To sum up, the reason this film is on this list is simply because it was marketed as something that it is not. There. I'm moving on and OFFICIALLY putting this film out of my mind forever. Until I write a paper about it for a class next week. Yikes....
Ahhhhhhh Interstellar. Did you know this film was actually two stories mashed up into one? Do you know when the first one ends and the second one begins? I sure can. I'll give you a hint: it's right around the time where this movie starts to SUCK. So, the first two acts of this film are phenomenal. Like....Best Picture candidate phenomenal. But then the film redefines FLYING off the handle. It starts right around the point where a very recognizable actor shows up. It's at this point that this film decides out of NOWHERE to enter the realm of COMPLETE science fiction, and as a result TOTALLY lost me. Now don't get me wrong: I don't have anything against a good sci-fi movie. However, for two acts this movie is anything but science fiction, (it's more like science realism in the first two acts) so to see it do a complete 180 and become this totally fictional....thing....is really disappointing. And what's worse is the Christopher Nolan fan club will defend this movie to their dying breath. These people were furious when Interstellar was "snubbed" at the Oscars, and simply chalked it up to the preconceived notion that the Academy hates Christopher Nolan. Hey guys: maybe if you watch this film from a much less biased standpoint you'd realize the cold hard truth: this movie crashes and burns pretty spectacularly in the third act. That's why it received very little love from the Academy. And, while it is absolutely gorgeous to look at, that doesn't make up for the fact that this third act sucks.
2) The Hobbit 3
F*CK YOU PETER JACKSON. NO. WHY YOU DO THIS TO THE LORD OF THE RINGS? WHY YOU CASH GRAB? I GAVE THIS UNNECESSARY TRILOGY THREE CHANCES. AND ALL THREE TIMES, I WAS DISAPPOINTED. BECAUSE OF YOU, PETER JACKSON. Look, two films, I get. There's a lot here! And you wanted to throw in some extra stuff. Great! BUT THREE FILMS? SERIOUSLY? And all we get here in The Hobbit 3 (not even going to give it the respect of calling it by its real name) is the COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY resolution of the Smaug plot line 15 minutes in (SERIOUSLY- WHY IS THIS HERE? WHY IS THIS NOT IN THE SECOND ONE? WHY DID WE HAVE TO GET A CLIFFHANGER?) and then about two hours of FIGHT SCENES. Because, you know, remember the part where Return of the King was 90% fight scenes? With no drama or even FREAKING context attached to it whatsoever? I sure don't! You know, I'm glad the Tolkien estate has stood up for the intellectual property and vowed no more LOTR movies for the foreseeable future. I hope we don't get any more LOTR movies until after Peter Jackson dies. (5 years ago I would've never said that) By that point I'll be ok with remaking the trilogy. I'd even be ok with splitting each book into two films so the movies could be even more loyal to the books! I would honestly be ok with that. But THREE MOVIES FOR THE HOBBIT? REALLY? You know what else I can't believe? When I first heard that they were gonna split The Hobbit franchise into three films, I actually defended the decision. In my mind I thought, it's Peter Jackson! The man can do no wrong! But boy, how wrong was I. Shame on you, Peter Jackson. What you did to The Hobbit is legitimately unforgivable, and I will hate you forever because of it. Shame on you.
1) The Third Act
This is honestly the entire reason this list was created. Easily the biggest disappointment of 2014 was the fact that so many films simply could not finish their stories in the third act! We saw it first in January with Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit. What initially started out as a very sharp and well-executed spy flick that was super tense gets muddied into a generic "the good guys have everything" movie when the CIA suddenly manages to sneak a supersonic jet into Moscow without the Russians noticing with the technological capabilities of the entire American government and finds the bad guy in about 2 seconds. Cause, you know, we can't have a film go longer than 100 minutes because of attention spans. Then we made it as far as February and The Lego Movie decided to screw things up in the third act with the great decision to allow the Lego characters to work and operate in the real world. (IF you somehow haven't seen that movie don't get upset for spoilers-you've had a whole year to see it.) Then there was Interstellar and its terrible third act which I already talked about, and then there was The Skeleton Twins! That movie was striving to be in my top 3 favorite films of the entire year before it decided to use an INCREDIBLY cliche ending that really pissed me off. Those are just four examples, but there were several other movies that simply could not deliver on the premises they made, and it was so frustrating to see so many films crash and burn in their final act in 2014. Personally, I would much rather see a film create a horrible premise but finish strong as opposed to creating a good premise but crashing and burning in the end. The later just stings so much more! But the third act was easily my biggest disappointment of 2014. I really hope this trend doesn't continue into 2015....
So there you go! I hope you enjoyed my suffering. Now we are going to definitely brighten the mood by talking about the best acting performances of 2014. See ya next time!
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