Hello Internet! How are you today? Fantastic. So hey it's almost March, so natrually what am I talking about? The best movies of 2013? Why, good sir, (or madam) you are absolutely right! Why is this list coming out so late, you ask? I like building the suspense obviously. It has nothing to do with procrastinating or anything. Nothing at all. Well, wanna get this party started? Let's go! Here are the best movies of 2013 according to Enter the Movies. Enjoy!
Does this need any set-up? No? Didn't think so. Here are the biggest movie disappointments from 2013! Enjoy my ranting.
5) The Lone Ranger
Oh I'm going to rant about this movie again? You bet your ass I am! This movie has seriously made it onto like every list I've produced. Rightfully so, though. There was so much hype behind this movie. Johnny Depp! Jerry Bruckheimer! ARMIE HAMMER. Armie freaking Hammer! But this movie dug itself into a hole from the moment they decided to have this incredibly good-looking actor behind a mask the entire time. And just overall not letting him be awesome. And hey! The movie turned into the biggest flop of the summer! And Jerry Bruckheimer blamed movie critics. Talk about being a crybaby. NO GUYS. You're movie tanked because it SUCKED. Ok. Let's break it down. This movie would've had to have made $40 million more than the top-grossing Western of ALL TIME, Dancing with Wolves, in order to MAKE BACK IT'S BUDGET. I mean...how....how....HOW CAN YOU EXPECT THAT TO HAPPEN? I mean that gets some serious double face-palm action. And oh ya if you spared yourself from this train wreck (lol same pun from the last time) you didn't see the part where this is also a prequel. As in THEY EXPECTED TO MAKE MORE. Seriously? Ok so how was this a disappointment? Well....it was a great show back in the day, with great talent playing the leads in this movie adaption. Initially the movie had an interesting premise in that Johnny Depp hinted that Tonto was going to be the focus of this story. And then he wasn't. Nothing about this movie was good. Except for the few moments where the Lone Ranger became the Lone Ranger. That was cool. But still, one of the worst movies of the year and a huge flop that was responded to by crybaby complaining. Total failure guys.
4) Oblivion Disappointment
Yes! Tom Cruise and Morgan Freeman in the same movie! A sci-fi movie with a lot of money behind it and great production value! M83's doing the soundtrack? AWESOME! Hey guys? Where are the writers? Guys? GUYS? Well this is awkward..... This movie made me really sad. It looked so cool! Even during the movie. It looks gorgeous. The crew went all out here to make the sets look awesome, the weapons look futuristic and cool, and the spacecrafts look original and...well....cool! Not to mention the M83 soundtrack is AWESOME, and the theme song isn't just my favorite theme song of last year, it is one of my favorite songs period. (Here it is if you are confused) But the movie forgot to hire a competent writer. Totally missed that part. The story sucks. No way around it. And even though Cruise is solid as the lead here, not even he can save this. You don't care about the characters. The story made virtually no sense and was just really stupid. The dialogue was incredibly typical. Nobody has any chemistry at all. I still don't fully understand Morgan Freeman's character. AOEWIFAOIABOIN So much potential....squandered because they forgot the part where they need a writer who actually knows how to write a story. Now we have Edge of Tomorrow coming this year. Hopefully it will be better than this. Oh and this was a bust at the box office, as it did not make back it's budget. Go see Elysium if you want a good sci-fi story from 2013. Even though you'll have to put up with Jodie Foster. Still better than this.
3) Man of Steel Failure
And now we get to the biggest disappointment of the summer. In my opinion. Here's the thing: when I saw the first preview for this movie at the midnight premier of Dark Knight Rises and saw all the names attached to the movie, (Christopher Nolan and Zack Snyder specifically) I got really excited! Then I saw all the actors set to play in this, like Amy Adams and Kevin Costner and Michael Shannon, among many many others, and I got even more excited! Sure Henry Cavill may not have been my first pick to play Superman, but that wasn't a huge deal. Then I saw the movie. Then. I saw. The freaking movie. It may not be one of the worst movies of the year, but this is definitely the worst movie that Christopher Nolan has ever put his name on. However, as I thought about it, I realized that the character itself is just as much at fault as the crew is here. Sorry to you Superman fans, but he is an absolutely terrible hero. The fact that he is invincible with just one single weakness really removes the human identification that you may have with characters like Iron Man, Spider-Man, or Batman. That would be ok if Superman, like Thor, would have problems with his home planet or something. But guess what? Nope. His problems have to be here on earth. Where he's invincible. Other problems I have with the movie: Amy Adams tries really hard here, as always, but she and Cavill just have no chemistry whatsoever. I didn't buy their romance for one second. The movie also just didn't give them an adequate chance to have a romance. It just kind of happened. Another major problem? Superman spends his whole life honing his powers. Understandable. It's not an easy thing to do. But Michael Shannon (the villain) on the other hand? Who has the exact same issues Superman has when he gets to earth? Solves them in five minutes. WHAT? That's not.....just.... WHAT? This literally left me speechless. I could get creating some bull sh*t "orb" or something to explain Shannon doing everything that Superman did in 30 years in 5 minutes, but nope! He just concentrated really hard. Nailed it. It wasn't all bad though. The best part of this movie was in the first act between Superman and Costner's character. It's a wonderful story of how an adopted child of two worlds might feel on earth, and the way it resolves with Costner is heartbreaking and powerful. Were it not for this subplot, this would be one of the worst movies of 2013. Problem is, this story ends pretty early on in the movie and what we are left with is absolute garbage. With death and destruction everywhere. Now, a lot of fanboys are upset with all the talk surrounding the sequel, as Snyder does seem to have pretty much lost his mind in terms of making this thing, but you know what? I'm going to try to be neutral. I will only hope that the sequel is the "Strikes Back" of the series, as JonTron might say. Please be better, guys.....
2) (Almost) The Entire Children's Genre of 2013
Sigh....ok. Let's start this one by taking a look at the list for Best Animated Feature at the Oscars this year. Ready? Frozen. Ok. Everyone knew about that and knows that it is one of the best animated movies of recent years. Then....uh....Despicable Me 2? Ok. That one was really good mostly because they made the best part of that, the Minions, the main character. The Croods? Didn't see it, but I heard it got good reviews. Then uh.....wait, is that an anime movie? Ya. The Wind Rises is totally an anime movie. Good for it. But....let's take a moment to realize that it didn't even release in the US. Ya....and it has the next best odds of winning this Oscar after Frozen's 1-14. Not 14-1. No. 1-14. Wondering why the yearly Pixar movie, Monsters University, isn't on the list? Or Free Birds? Smurfs 2? Planes? Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2? Walking with Dinosaurs? Epic? Well, I'll tell you why: THEY ALL SUCKED ASS. Well maybe not Monsters University that one was ok, BUT THE REST SUCKED ASS. Now I know the children's genre is going to have its fair share of sh*tty movies. Most of them, like Planes, are corporate ploys meant to sell memorabilia and such in addition to selling the movie to kids, but seriously. Could you at least make the movies A LITTLE bit better???? PLEASE? Most of these movies weren't even good from a kids perspective! Epic's story made no sense from an adult's perspective, so how in the hell is a kid supposed to follow it??? YOU HAVE TO MAKE THE STORY AT LEAST SOMEWHAT APPEALING TO CHILDREN. Like even Despicable Me 2 or even Monsters University! Especially Monsters University. That movie was really aimed at the generation who grew up with Monsters Inc as one of their favorite children's movies. TEN YEARS FROM NOW, NO ONE IS GOING TO SAY, "OH YA BRO, FREE BIRDS WAS MY CHILDHOOD." Or literally any of those movies other than Frozen. That is LITERALLY the only children's movie that will be remembered ten years from now from 2013. Please, guys. Get it together and make something at least somewhat appealing. That's all you need in order to capture the hearts of children everywhere. Average. But nope! Can't even get that this year. Got crap. Crap, crap, crap, and look! More crap. At least 2014 has had the pleasant surprise that is The Lego Movie thus far. Hopefully there will be more to come.
1) Peter Jackson's Cash-Grabbing Hobbit Venture
Well, we come to it at last. I'm going to be completely honest with you: having an excuse to rant on this may have been almost the entire reason that I made this list in the first place. I just....I can't....AHHH. Ok. Let's break it down: I am something of a Tolkien purist. Actually, no. I'm not. I am not a purist. I just don't like the fact that Jackson and crew are essentially doing whatever the fuck they want with this franchise. Like that Tauriel character? Doesn't exist in the world of J.R.R. Tolkien. At all. I don't mind them creating a hot female to offset the sausage fest, and Evangeline Lilly does do quite a great job with the character, but when she starts having a major impact on the story? Like creating a love story between her and one of the 73 hobbits on this quest? That's where I do draw the line. And the story itself is SO DRAWN OUT. The entire Gandalf storyline for example? Completely unnecessary. Like that, virtually nothing happens for, well, most of the freaking movie. I kid you not: there is about one hour of content here drawn out to over THREE HOURS. Why is it three hours? Just because a Peter Jackson movie is supposed to be over three hours? Is that literally the only reason? I think so. I'm not ok with this being a cash-grab. LOTR is too good for that. Don't think it's a cash-grab? Jackson's taking a book that is shorter than any of the LOTR and drawing it into three movies. By that logic Return of the King should've been a saga all in its own. But was it? No. Sure he's including other stories in The Hobbit trilogy, but could you really see Return of the King (which, I might add, just might be my single favorite movie of all time) containing 9+ hours of film? No? Hey man, don't worry. Neither can I. THIS IS NOT OK. And what's worse is that we were left with a cliffhanger. A F*CKING CLIFFHANGER. Think for a second. All three LOTR and the first Hobbit.....at least most of the problems that they created in each individual movie were solved in each individual movie. But NOPE! Not here. I wish you guys could've seen me in the theater. (Shoutout to my niece and nephew for being the only two who actually were.) I knew we were reaching the end, and I just had to sit there for a moment to realize that Lord of the freaking Rings was actually stooping down to the level of leaving me with a f*cking cliffhanger. Why? TO SELL TICKETS FOR THE THIRD ONE, OBVIOUSLY. Gotta make dat dough bro! It's obvious that they are trying to make There and Back Again the Return of the King of this series, but up to this point, you could easily watch the upcoming third movie without watching the previous two, and not feel behind. At all. IT SHOULDN'T WORK LIKE THAT. You should....you should....YOU SHOULD FEEL LIKE YOU DIDN'T JUST WASTE YOUR TIME IN AN LOTR MOVIE. AHHHHHH. Ok I'm done. Seriously though. I used to respect Peter Jackson. Even when he decided that The Hobbit was going to be three movies instead of two. I was ok with it. But now? Shame on you, Peter Jackson. Shame. On. You. This movie was still enjoyable, (mostly) but I do expect LOTR to be, well, LOTR. You have to do better, man. You have to.
So that's it. I don't know how many people still feel as strongly as I do about The Hobbit 2, because there definitely were some positives. Like Smaug. That was fantastic. But....but....it's gotta be better. At least the finale should be alright. But, it's definitely going to be too little, too late. Oh well. Thanks for reading guys! Just got one more to go with these lists....
The Hobbit: http://images.bwwstatic.com/columnpic6/762D4C27-B59C-6DF0-15E658FE1043D3F8.jpg
Free Birds: http://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/stg.ign.com/2013/10/freebirds_102913_1600.jpg
Man of Steel: http://www.digitaltrends.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Man-Of-Steel-Henry-Cavill-Kal_El-3.jpg
The Lone Ranger: http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/33000000/Lone-Ranger-New-Trailer-the-lone-ranger-33019980-1920-800.jpg
Adam Sandler: http://simonmernagh.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/sandler.jpg
So, I really like movies. You know this. I know this. As a result of me really liking movies, I decided to look at a few box office numbers and give some well-deserving movies that no one saw a chance to shine. So, without further ado, here are my best of the overlooked movies of 2013!
(All grossed under $25 million at the box office.)
5) About Time ($15 million) (Trailer)
I really struggled on which romantic comedy I should put on this list. There are quite a few good ones from this year that did not make a whole lot of money that were really good, (I obviously have a thing for romantic comedies) but in the end I decided on About Time. First off, how much you like this movie depends on your tolerance for Richard Curtis, director of Love Actually and Notting Hill. If you like either of the movies I just said, you will enjoy this. I love both of them, so I loved this. The romantic plot between Domhnall Gleeson and Rachel McAdams is wildly enjoyable and fun to watch, but what really got me and left me in tears at the end was the relationship between Gleeson's character and his father, played by Bill Nighy. The two have wonderful chemistry, and that story is integrated with the time traveling abilities beautifully. Oh ya. This movie has time travel. That's what separates it from other romantic comedies. Don't worry: you won't have to analyze the time travel used here all that much. The movie has a set of rules that it creates, and it follows them pretty well. A couple of times it did go off the rails pretty spectacularly, but it was so ridiculous that it was at the point that I was able to just be like, "Ok. That happened. Let's move on." And, as I said, this movie had me in tears at the end of the father-son story. That's exactly what this is supposed to do. The second-best date movie of the year, About Time is definitely one to show to your significant other. Oh by the way that trailer? Ya one of the best of the year. That may be in large part because they use the song Lakehouse by Of Monsters and Men, one of my favorite songs currently, but still....awesome trailer.
4) Inside Llewyn Davis ($12 million) (Trailer)
So this one might be a little biased given my history with music, but this really is a great character study on Llewyn Davis. Like Frances Ha, it's a story that follows one guy and a period of time in his life and we see the events unfold in front of us and how he reacts to said events. You want to like him. So badly. And yet, whenever he's about to be likable, he does something incredibly selfish. The Coen Brothers (past repertoire includes No Country for Old Men and The Big Lebowski) really do not treat their characters well in this movie. Almost everyone in this movie are jerks. Particularly Carey Mulligan! Geez....but Oscar Isaac is great as the lead, and really makes this into as compelling of a story as it is. Even though it has been completely overlooked by the Academy, it should definitely not be overlooked by those interested in the music industry. Oh, and while it's Greenwich Village Folk music, it is still wildly enjoyable music, even if you hate folk. You always have a recipe for success when the main song is a duet between Oscar Isaac and Marcus Mumford. Still kinda bummed that got overlooked for Best Original Song...
3) Frances Ha ($4 million) (Trailer)
Unanimously called the best indie movie of 2013 by movie critics, Frances Ha follows Frances and her daily struggles to just get by. It is a wonderfully told story, where, much like Inside Llewyn Davis, (next on this list SPOILER) nothing really happens. At all. Sure we see events in her life unfold throughout the 86 minute film, but there isn't exactly much of a story. The story is her life. And how she reacts to the events that occur in it. And you know what? I was completely ok with it. Frances is a great anti-hero. She mooches and mooches and doesn't express much in terms of gratitude, and yet....you can't help but root for her. When she decides to go to Paris (even though she can't afford it) and then sleeps through almost the entire weekend, you can't help but feel bad for her. After all, she didn't plan for the jet lag. It just happened. (Is that a spoiler? Well....not really. After all I didn't tell you why she went to Paris now did I?) But when these events happen, you are so drawn to them. That's where this movie really gets you. I will say that I don't really know why it was shot in black and white, but I forgot about it very quickly. Maybe they were going for an old-time feel? I don't know....I've noticed that a lot of indie films are shot in black and white (Nebraska, the Oscar indie film of 2013, is also shot in black and white) and while some of them I get the artistic reasoning behind it, definitely not here. Sorry guys. But don't let that discourage you! Seriously. It's short, so it's very quickly paced, but there's definitely enough to keep you entertained from start to finish.
2) Mud ($21 million) (Trailer)
Initially my number one on this list, I have been talking about how great this movie is for a while now. Definitely one of the most forgotten movies of the summer, Mud continues the incredible McConaissance that has been happing in the movies over the last year or so. (Which culminated in an Oscar-worthy performance in Dallas Buyers Club) But, I did enough praising of McConaughey in my Best Acting Performances list, so I'm not going to talk about this. Instead, I'm going to talk about everything else. Mud was a great character, but he was also surrounded by other great performances too. First off, the freaking kids here are amazing. So down to earth and so believable, they go toe-to-toe with Mud and almost ALMOST out-act him. But one thing that this movie did right to really lend to the believability of these kids was that everyone else in the movie, as in all of the adults, treated the kids like fellow adults. It's totally unrealistic to me to have kids behave exactly like adults and then have no one around them treat them as such. Oh look I'm 14 and ride a motorcycle around town yet my dad is going to still baby-talking me. NO! Bad movie. But fortunately, Mud does no such thing. Then there's the rest of the cast. Reese Witherspoon is not the most believable of characters, but the fact that her character is not well-written may be the single biggest fault of the entire movie. However, everyone else is great! Sam Shepard plays a great down-to-earth southerner that helps out Mud and the crew in their time of need. And Michael Shannon puts in a better performance here than he did in freaking Man of Steel! All of it comes together for a very down-to-earth and homey southern story. That no one saw or cared to think about because of the fact that Matthew McConaughey was in it. If you want a good ol' fashion story about family and survival in the deep south, go see Mud. Definitely worth 130 minutes of your time.
1) All Is Lost ($6 million) (Trailer)
A miraculous tale of courage and determination, All Is Lost has an incredibly simple and yet powerful premise: a nameless man stares death in the face. For 106 gripping minutes, we watch our man fight for his life and do everything he can to survive. Nothing goes right for him, yet his determination and sheer will drives him. He says about 7 words the entire movie, and yet by the end you are rooting for him just as much as you would any other character. Robert Redford. One of the greatest actors ever, Redford is asked to create an entirely identifiable character in this movie using only his facial expressions. That's it. And he absolutely nails it. The fact that this man missed out on even just a nomination for an Oscar is absolutely tragic. The real problem facing this movie is the fact that it's coming out the same year as Gravity. While All Is Lost and Gravity are both in the survival genre, they tell their stories very differently. For one, Bullock (who was nominated for an Oscar, by the way) is given the crutch of being able to say things from time to time, whereas Redford is not given such a luxury. Both of these movies are must-sees, and are definitely worth a watch from 2013. Oh and by the way, Gravity has grossed over $266 million and All is Lost has grossed a measly $6 million. Sure Gravity is more about the visual experience than the story, but I would definitely say the story of All Is Lost, survivalistically (that wasn't a word until now!) speaking, is better. If you liked Gravity, or just like the survival genre as a whole, you will absolutely love this as well.
Honorable mentions (In no particular order)
Fruitvale Station ($16 million)
Wonderfully told and beautifully tragic, Fruitvale Station will end up being the movie that made Michael B. Jordan's career.
Don Jon ($24 million)
A solid directing debut from Joseph Gordon-Levitt also staring a provocative Scarlett Johansson, Don Jon is a gripping romantic comedy with a lot of quirky directoral notions from JGL. If you like him, or his hitRECord project, you have to check this out.
The Spectacular Now ($6 million)
An inspiring high school romantic comedy with the bro and the nerd. Fun, gripping, and beautiful, this is worth a watch if you loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
Blackfish ($2 million)
THE most controversial documentary of the year, Blackfish goes all-out in exposing the horrors (?) of Sea World and how they treat their animals and their trainers. Worth a watch if you care about that sort of thing. Even though it is pretty over-the-top.
You're Next ($18 million)
A refreshingly original hack 'n' slash movie. Wait, when was the last time we saw one of these?
All is Lost: http://www.ropeofsilicon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/all-is-lost-clip-05222013-170437.jpg
Frances Ha: http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/audio/video/2013/7/22/1374485894612/Mickey-Sumner-and-Greta-G-001.jpg
You're Next: http://8th-circuit.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/500x262/youre-next.jpg
About Time: http://www.connectsavannah.com/binary/1e7e/AboutTime-conversation1.jpg
The Spectacular Now: http://cdn1.walkerartcenter.org/static/cache/82/82be1a35bdd197cdb228bea4120f7e72.jpg
Fruitvale Station: http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/screencrush.com/files/2013/05/fruitvale.jpg
Don Jon: http://static.rogerebert.com/uploads/review/primary_image/reviews/don-jon-2013/hero_DonJon-2013-1.jpg
Inside Llewyn Davis: http://cache.reelz.com/assets/content/repFrame/71132/inside-llewyn-davis-trailer-01.jpg
Sigh.....I've been dreading this list for quite some time. 2013 was a great year for movies. Honestly one of the better years of recent memory. However, it wasn't without its fair share of HORRIBLE movies too. From the ones that we hoped would be good to the ones that were just terrible from start to finish, some in 2013 just felt the need to make a few movies that we would come out of realizing that no matter how hard we try, we were never going to get the last 2 hours back. So, without further ado, here are my worst movies of 2013. Are you ready for some ranting?
10) The Fifth Estate (Trailer)
A lot of people might disagree with this one. But there are a lot of problems with this movie. A lot. Holy crap a lot. First off, you are supposed to identify and support Benedict Cumberbatch's character, WikiLeaks creator Julian Assange. Even at the end of the movie after he puts many innocent lives in danger in order to pad his own ego. Yep! You're still supposed to identify with him and support even then! It just doesn't work. Plain and simple. Here's the next thing that makes this movie terrible: they manage to make a movie with some incredibly fascinating source material, including one of the biggest government leaks in US history, and they just make it incredibly dull and overlong and just....well....not interesting.Typing montage after typing montage after typing montage. Hey! Let's go to another exotic location just to go in some random building and have another typing montage! That's the foundation of a good movie right? And when someone comes in and asks what we are doing, let's dramatically lower our computer screen and play innocent! It's just so so stupid. And the dream sequences to make the computer illiterate understand what Daniel Bruhl's character is doing to Cumberbatch within the company? The website as an office metaphor? Remember those? Absolutely atrocious. Pro tip guys: the computer illiterate are probably not going to watch this movie. The computer illiterate probably have no idea that WikiLeaks even exists. So, don't put a stupid dream sequence that is completely unnecessary for the rest of us just to try to have the computer illiterate keep up. STOP. Alright that was a good start.....this is going to only get worse.....
My Number: 2.5/10
9) The Lone Ranger (Trailer)
Don't worry haters! The Lone Ranger still made the list, despite having one of the most enjoyable movie moments of 2013. So I'm not going to talk about the moment where The Lone Ranger finally became The Lone freaking Ranger for 3 minutes, rather, I'm going to talk about the other 145 minutes of this film. Seriously? 145 minutes? A HUNDRED AND FORTY FIVE MINUTES? Sorry. Forgot how LONG this movie is. Damnit! Anyway....so let's start with the big chase sequence at the end. Let's start with the trains. The WHOLE movie you have convicts and slaves and just hundreds of people all working on ONE set of train tracks. Then in the big chase sequence all the sudden there's TWO trains! And TWO sets of tracks! And they are going on top of each other and underneath each other, and you don't know where anything is or what the hell is even happening, and I'm just sitting there like.....what? It's so bloated and discombobulating and ridiculous! That's just the ending. And at one point the Lone Ranger is like, "We gotta go back and get the silver!" And I'm like, "Wait, we're supposed to care about the silver? What?" That doesn't even begin to talk about how the other 2 hours of this film are just terrible! It's a Lone Ranger origin story where you don't really care about any of the characters or their origin. Not to mention the part where all throughout the movie it cuts to a 1936/really old Tonto aka Johnny Depp with lots of makeup on telling the whole story to some little kid at a festival. Doesn't that sound like something you want to be reminded of 15 times in a movie? Yes? NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT. It's an absolutely terrible way to get exposition out. You want to have one of the main characters tell the audience the story as they are watching it? Do it like The Sandlot did: see 1936 Tonto briefly then have him tell the story from start to finish and cut to him again at the very end for a cool moment. Did you see that? I just made a better narrative story than The Lone Ranger did by ripping off The Sandlot! They should pay me the big bucks. Let's go into acting for a minute, guys. I love Armie Hammer. He's one of the best up-and-comers Hollywood has to offer. His work in The Social Network and even J. Edger was fantastic and memorable. But here? Not even he can save this train wreck. (See what I did there? No? Good.) And Johnny Depp.....can I just say that, as good as Depp is, he's played practically the same f*cking character since Edward Scissorhands? Well, like it or not, I'm saying it. Every character he plays, it's always about, "Look at me! Look at how odd I am. I can't keep my balance. Doesn't that make me so weird?" He doesn't branch out at ALL. Is it a bad thing? No. But in a terrible movie such as this, being reminded that Depp is playing the same character again just adds to the misery. And the crybaby responses Jerry Bruckheimer and Disney made when this movie turned into the biggest flop of 2013 was incredibly unprofessional. Here's a fun fact and how you knew this movie was going to be a flop: the top grossing Western of all time is Dances with Wolves, grossing $180 million at the box office. That means The Lone Ranger would've had to have made that much money plus ANOTHER $40 million JUST TO MAKE BACK ITS BUDGET. Fail guys. Massive fail. 10/10 in that department. Onto bigger and better things? No...not really....
My Number: 2.5/10
8) Identity Thief (Trailer)
I could probably fill this list the awful comedies of 2013. Movies like The Internship, Delivery Man, (lol Vince Vaughn's career) Movie 43, and Scary Movie V, all deserve spots on this list. But I've decided to only include three. Melissa McCarthy and Jason Bateman are working together on a movie. Wow! That should be good right? After all The Heat is probably the second-best comedy of 2013 and it's up there primarily because of the skills of McCarthy. Almost every movie she's done is absolutely hilarious, and yet the director and the writers in this movie just absolutely refused to let her be herself! They chose the politically correct decision to make Melissa McCarthy a woman in this movie, not a deliciously evil villain. There's nothing wrong with this by any means, but in this movie McCarthy is being her typical badass self for like 20 minutes and then is forced to be sad and upset and crying over how awful her life is! Really? C'mon guys. That's what I mean by making the politically correct decision. Not to mention the part where the movie is almost 2 hours long. As in WAY TO LONG. Personally I liked Due Date, another not-so-good cross-country movie. I thought the chemistry between Galifanakis and RDJ was hilarious. But Bateman and McCarthy chemistry? HA! That's a better joke than anything in this movie! The plot is shallow as hell, and let's not forget the part where they are heading from Florida to Colorado, and it takes them 90 minutes to get to St. Louis, and then the movie's like, "Lol! We're done." Seriously they go from St. Louis to Colorado in like a minute and then the movie ends. All of this could be forgiven if ANY of the jokes in this movie were funny. Besides for the few moments where Melissa McCarthy tries to be herself, this movie is not funny in any way, shape, or form. It's also one of the top-grossing comedies of 2013. Remember that? Now do you remember anything about it? No? Ok. Moving on.
My Number: 2.5/10
7) Getaway (Trailer)
Lol this movie. Just.....lol. It and Paranoia get the "What the hell were you thinking?" Awards of this list. So much stupid, guys. So much stupid. Let's explore it a little, shall we? So, first of all, the acting sucked. Well, everything sucked, but trying to believe that Selena Gomez is a teenage super-hacker with an iPad is just flat out comical. She tries, but similarly to Justin Timberlake in Runner Runner, she just can't get there. But let's talk about where this movie really sucks. Yes it's a dumb action movie with cars. I get that. So what is it that you have to look forward to in a dumb action movie with cars? The cars? RIGHT ANSWER. This movie can't even get that right! All the chase scenes (most of which make no sense as is...they just happen) are impossible to follow. And there are very few wideshots of the cars to show them off. It's ridiculous! All we see are very close and uncomfortable close-ups all throughout the movie. And the things that Ethan Hawke is asked to do is ridiculous. "Go, drive into this park. Find this person. They will give you something." SO FREAKING DRAMATIC. And we'll be going along our daily routine and then BAM! COPS EVERYWHERE. CHASE SCENE. No buildup. Just. RANDOM CHASE SCENE. ALL THE TIME. The big controversy with this movie is the fact that supposedly they crashed real cars. That would look really cool....if they could actually show the crashes well! Half of them look like terrible CGI anyway! You guys really threw this one to the dogs. Kudos.
My Number: 2/10
6) After Earth (Trailer)
A for effort on this one. The official...ready for this name? Will-Smith-puts-his-son-in-a-starring-role movie stars Will and Jaden Smith, though as I said this movie was almost exclusively Jaden Smith, with father Will mostly shouting orders from a command center. Jaden Smith....bless his heart, but God is he terrible. In his defense he's asked to play a role that only the best of the best in Hollywood might (keyword: might) be able to pull off, being alone for most of the movie and having to react to essentially nothing from an acting standpoint, but it's still really tough to watch. The real fault of this movie, however, belongs with its creator. It's amazing how the word has gotten around that M. Night Shymalan movies are essentially a death sentence for those who star in it, even when the production company behind it puts a lot of money into trying to hide this fact. Guys, M. Night Shymalan sucks. He is quite literally the SECOND-worst director in Hollywood right now. It is PAINFUL. And honestly, I do dread when it comes time to see his movies more than the worst director in Hollywood, Dennis Dugan (Adam Sandler's director) because at least with the latest Adam Sandler movie, I can have a hope that MAYBE it will have a few laughs. When I go into an M. Night Shymalan movie, I know I am in for an excruciating two hours. Well....but he's up to his typical antics here, with naming things all these big exotic names that you can't remember and trying to over-"immerse" you into the world he makes. He asks too much of his actors, and he drives the movie straight into the ground in spectacular fashion. He must realize that his formula doesn't work, and yet he keeps doing it! What? M. Night Shymalan: STOP MAKING MOVIES. NOW. PLEASE.
My Number: 2/10
5) G.I. Joe 2: Retaliation (Trailer)
Why. Why does this movie exist? It wasn't even a cash-grab! After all, the first one did not make back its budget in the states. IT DIDN'T MAKE BACK ITS OWN FREAKING BUDGET. Sure, the ending of the original made it clear that they were going for a sequel, but who really wanted one? After all the movie sucked. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was in the original. Can we just take a moment to remember that that was a thing? Not to mention the part where Channing Tatum was in it. Or Dennis Quaid. Well...let's see....how do you make a good sequel? By killing off literally everyone from the original besides Jonathan Pryce? Ya. Nailed it guys. Nailed it. Seriously, I knew I was in for a diarrhea-like experience when literally EVERYONE FROM THE ORIGINAL DIES WITHIN THE FIRST TEN MINUTES. Oh am I spoiling? Oh did you care about the sequel to the hit 2009 summer blockbuster? Didn't think so. Seriously though. After everyone dies, we are left with Dwayne Johnson. Yep. Dwayne Johnson. And Bruce Willis later! Because that performance wasn't phoned-in at all. No I swear you can really tell Bruce Willis is trying in this movie. Trying to get off the set, that is. (Drops microphone) Poor CGI, terrible acting, and a ridiculously stupid plot make this movie stupid even within the category of stupid action movies. At least the original had that pretty awesome Paris chase scene in the super suits. You know with Channing Tatum and that other guy avoiding the missiles in slow motion? Remember that? That was pretty cool. This movie has Dwayne Johnson carrying around a mounted machine gun. Ya. I'm just going to move on with my life. Go watch Fast and Furious 6 or White House Down if you want to watch a good stupid action movie from 2013. At least those movies are wildly enjoyable.
My Number: 2/10
4) Red 2 (Trailer)
Red 2.....the much-anticipated and needed sequel to Red. Wait, Red needed a sequel??? What unanswered questions were left after Red? I mean at least with G.I. Joe 2 there was a pretty big cliffhanger that set up that sequel. This was just....the very definition of a cash-grab. Do you not believe me? Then watch how excited Bruce Willis is to sell the film. That interview is painful to watch. And poor Mary-Louise Parker....she's trying so hard to have fun. But Bruce Willis is just absolutely ruining her day. Honestly that 5 minute interview is probably more entertaining than the actual film. Anyway, this movie can definitely be called the action equivalent of Grown Ups 2. It is just so incredibly lazy! So lazy it's insulting. The first ten minutes the movie shows potential. Then it falls into every action clique it possibly can. Here's one: so, the bad guys have giant machine guns that can rip apart cars. (Even though simultaneously a wooden table stops those same bullets right in their tracks.) Ok. So the main bad guy has this huge machine gun and is shooting at our "heroes" who are hiding behind cars. The machine guns are clearly destroying the cars, as I said. So the good guys duck down to avoid the gun fire. Obviously. All the main bad guy has to do in this instance is shoot the tires and everybody's dead! Like.....duh? This happens a few times too if my memory holds true. I know it's based off a graphic novel, but still. Like at least Shoot 'Em Up was a parody of itself and acknowledged the fact that it was ridiculous and unbelievable. (In terms of the bad guys aim being equivalent to that of a stormtrooper.) This movie tries to have an actual serious plot coupled with ridiculous one-liners that are like the modern version of "Why I outta!!" So stupid. And you don't care about the plot, and no one is even remotely interesting. And there are no laughs. At least the first one had some good interplay between Bruce Willis and Karl Urban. And Mary-Louise Parker had an interesting backstory. But not here! It's just your standard shoot 'em up without any laughs or excitement.
My Number: 1.5/10
3) The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (Trailer)
The fact that this movie was terrible makes me really really sad. Unlike many of the movies on this list, I actually had some pretty high hopes for this one. I love Steve Carrell. Brick Tamland might be my favorite member of the Anchorman crew. Not to mention Michael Scott. I love Steve Buscemi. Seriously. Buscemi was the funniest part of Armageddon, and he is maniacal and diabolical in Boardwalk Empire. Jim Carrey is hilarious, and Olivia Wilde is one of my current favorite female actors. And gorgeous. Yet everyone besides her is phoning it in. There is virtually no effort made by anyone else, as Steve Carrell basically plays a very slow-talking Michael Scott. Without any of the likable qualities. That was another problem: Carrell's character, the star of the movie, is not even remotely likable. Not even a little bit. And then he suddenly redeems himself towards the end. Out of the blue. Which I obviously didn't buy for a second. Buscemi's character leaves the movie for basically the entire second act, and other members of the supporting cast, including Alan Arkin and the late great JAMES GANDOLFINI are also basically non-existent. James Gandolfini is in this, guys. I feel bad just saying that. Despite everything I've mentioned, this could all be forgiven (like Identity Thief) if the movie was funny. It's not. Alan Arkin has the funniest moment of the damn thing and he does it visually. Everyone here is just playing ridiculous and unbelievable characters, and any sense of realism is gone when the movie goes between having it all and having nothing at all. As in Carrell is either selling out a Vegas stage or working in a nursing home. That's the difference between playing in the MLB and playing in a slow-pitch softball league. There are several divisions in between them, obviously. But nope, nothing's ever mentioned on those lines: it's either headlining the MGM Grand or working at Burt's Nursing Home. A ridiculous story without any laughs. Go home guys. You're ALL drunk.
My Number: 1.5/10
2) Paranoia (Trailer)
First of all, if you are still here, I salute you. Second, if you scrolled down just to see what my top two were, welcome to the party! Hahaha Paranioa. So many lols. And not the good kind. This is officially the most incompetent movie of 2013. Similar to Getaway, Paranoia immediately digs itself into a hole when it tries to convince you that someone as good-looking as Liam Hemsworth is a computer/tech genius! Ya....no. The movie only gets worse, not better. Harrison Ford and Gary Oldman, the "calling cards" of this travesty, are clearly phoning it in for a paycheck on this one. Though I will give Harrison Ford credit for going bald to play the role. That's seriously the best part of the movie. Oh, and you know the part where these two guys should have many scenes where they face off against each other with a lot of tension and action backing it up somehow? Since they are at the heads of two competing tech companies? Well, they have two. Two scenes together. Sure it's the two best scenes of the movie, but that is damning with feint praise. This movie has no tension behind it whatsoever, with so many ridiculous things happening to advance the terribly incoherent plot. Here I'll give you a few examples: so the FBI shows up and bugs/puts cameras in Hemsworth's apartment. Ok so that happens. Why? Um....who cares. Then the FBI calls him and tells him to do various things, and during the course of the conversation, they inexplicably tell Liam Hemsworth that they can see him. So that then he can go around and tear up his apartment looking for the cameras and bugs because he knows they are watching him. They needed to spy on him, so why on earth would they tell Hemsworth that they can see him???? Oh I'm not done. Then, a day or two later, when the FBI's plan doesn't work, they want to kill him. Because that's what the FBI does. Anyway, they want to kill him. And the main FBI agent shows up at Hemsworth's apartment and confronts him in his garage. The FBI agent proceeds to take out his gun, open his car's trunk (which has the plastic that you see in every movie where there's going to be a dead body in the trunk) and tells Hemsworth to get in the trunk. NO ONE IS GOING TO GET IN THAT TRUNK! Ya sure! Let me just hop in the trunk covered in plastic. You aren't going to kill me right? It is mind-numbingly dumb and has to be seen to be believed. There are plenty more idiocies in this movie, but Ben Mankowitz actually took the time to describe those two acts bits of stupidity so I stole them so I wouldn't have to re-watch this disaster. But this is why you don't feel any tension! So many movie mistakes made here just to advance the "plot." I don't mind Liam Hemsworth in The Hunger Games. He's not half-bad actually. But boy is he, and everyone else involved, absolutely terrible in this. Avoid like the plague. Actually this might be so stupid it's funny. Oh and girls? Liam Hemsworth is magically shirtless most of the time here. YA! HOT GUYS WITHOUT SHIRTS. That's literally all this movie has to offer. You ready for me to lose my mind? Well, let's get to number 1, shall we?
My Number: 1/10
1) Grown Ups 2 (Featurette-Just for the lolz)
We come to it at last. The worst movie of 2013. Ready for one hell of a rant? Let me start with this: Adam Sandler needs to go f*ck himself. Seriously. He is without a doubt the worst thing in Hollywood right now, and while everyone in the business knows that he is, he still gets massive budgets from Sony to make these movies that cost nothing (and have a buttload of product placements too) and is making out like a bandit on them. And all these recognizable comedians want a piece. Understandably so, as guys that are on the tail-end of their careers, like Kevin James, David Spade, and Chris Rock, all have prominent roles in this. And need to make as much money as possible. But here's a big warning sign in this movie: when Rob Schneider refuses to reprise the role he played in the original Grown Ups, you know something's wrong. But then people like Maya Rudolph and Salma Hayek are prominent too! WHY? The cameos are stupid, with the exception of Taylor Lautner. His appearance with his frat boys and all the chest-bumping (parodying bros) is not just the funniest part in the movie, it is the ONLY time I ever laughed.
I'm breaking this up because it is such a long rant. Seriously. Who thinks the scene where the deer pisses on them in the morning is funny? HOW IS THAT FUNNY? Poor Andy Sam-you know what? No. Shame on you, Andy Samberg, for showing up in this piece of shit. Your scene almost made me cry out of sadness. You should've learned your lesson in That's My Boy but here The Lonely Island shows up for a car wash scene that was all over the place in the trailers. In a good movie, this car wash scene with a bunch of guys would be a really smart and sharp satire on what we ask woman to do when they are objectifying themselves in movies, but not here! Here it's just a freaking gay panic scene. With Andy Samberg. YOU F*CKED IT UP, GUYS.
More breaking up. So let's talk about the plot. I JUST MADE A JOKE FUNNIER THAN ANY MOMENT IN THIS MOVIE. Associating Grown Ups 2 with plot. Ha! Anyway, in terms of what actually happens, this movie can't even figure out who it's aimed for! First off, there are so many bathroom jokes and fart jokes that this movie would appear to be targeted at 14-year old boys. Fair enough. But then, there's a massive party scene with a lot of random boobs that goes more for college-age adult comedy, (remember Project X?) but then, as if that's not enough, the entire third act is an 80s reference, which neither of those previous two categories would care all that much about! YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SENSE OF IDENTITY, GROWN UPS 2. YOU ARE LITERALLY A WASTE OF SPACE AND TIME. And the worst part? They get these massive budgets because THEY ARE STILL MAKING MONEY. How? How are these things not flops? This movie made over $130 million at the box office. That's 20th on the list of 2013 movies up to this point. Off of an $80 million budget. The movie is shot in all backlots and probably cost almost nothing before f*cking Dennis Dugon, who directs all these shitty Adam Sandler movies, and Sandler and his bros make out like bandits with most of it. Not to mention the gratuitous amounts of product placements. K-Marts everywhere. Seriously. All these guys did was show up on Backlot A for 5 weeks and make a movie. And it made $130 million! If you find this movie funny, you're a bad person. I say that as kindly as possible, but you're a bad person. Referential jokes alone are not funny, guys. You should not be able to make an entire movie like an episode of just shitty Family Guy cutaways. And that's not even mentioning the objectification of women in this movie, which is just downright offensive. And the stupid homily (in every Adam Sandler movie) about how family is important! And we're just going to shove that down your throat when it comes time! This movie was made by people who look down on us as the audience. There was no effort put into this at all, and they could give two shits about whether this is a good movie or not. You know what's worse? THIS HAS BEEN HAPPENING FOR YEARS. The first Grown Ups was awful. Jack and Jill was painful. That's My Boy was embarrassing. And yet these movies are STILL making money! F*ck guys! This movie is easily the worst movie Adam Sandler has ever crapped up. And that is saying something. Well done, man. You have easily earned the title of Enter the Movie's Worst Movie of 2013. As the late Philip Seymour Hoffman might say, "GO F*CK YOURSELF, YOU F*CKING CHILD." I'm done here. (Fades into the sunset)
My Number: 0.5/10 Taylor Lautner got them that 0.5 of a point. All him.
Couple deep breaths......couple heart pills.....done. Let's throw a few more movies to the wolves, shall we?
(Dis)Honorable Mentions (In no particular order)
A horrible attempt to showcase the rise of the punk rock scene. Terrible performances from the cast of Harry Potter and Foo Fighters own Taylor Hawkins make this one music movie to avoid. Go see Inside Llewyn Davis instead.
The Great Gatsby
Leo was pretty eccentric here, but everything else about the movie was terrible. Biggest fault? Making Tobey Maguire your narrater. I know his character is the narrater in the book, but after hearing Leo narrate Wolf of Wall Street, you guys should've changed that....
When your bio pic's lead is absolutely terrible, you are going to fail spectacularly. Still waiting on a good Steve Jobs bio pic, Hollywood.
Olympus Has Fallen
A stupid action movie that doesn't realize it's a stupid action movie. Taking yourself seriously is a recipe for disaster in that category.
While Ben Affleck does everything he can to make this movie enjoyable, not even he can save this train wreck. A valiant effort, but hearing Justin Timberlake talk computer code is just funny. No payoff, guys.
Grown-Ups 2: http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/Sq5CIH0duMk/maxresdefault.jpg
Red 2: http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18ub30r4mg0ahjpg/k-bigpic.jpg
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone: http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/screencrush.com/files/2013/03/burt.jpg
G.I. Joe 2: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/sites/default/files/2012/04/g_i_joe_retaliation_tatum_johnson.jpg
Identity Thief: http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/sites/default/files/2013/02/identity_thief_film_still_a_l.jpg
After Earth: http://www.atlantablackstar.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/after-earth-a.jpg
The Lone Ranger: http://flavorwire.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/lone-ranger-still.jpg
The Fifth Estate: http://www.showfilmfirst.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/thefifthestate_winninganinformationwar.jpg
As my lists slowly but surely are unveiled, here is my next one! So I decided to make this a thing. I love movies. Obviously. But sometimes there are scenes within a movie that are just....well.....unforgettable. The movie itself may not be the best, but the moment is awesome. Maybe the movie put all of its money into one scene? Maybe? Well, whatever. It doesn't matter, for at least a few moments, the movie was incredibly enjoyable. So, here is a short list of some of the best moments of the movies in 2013!
1) 13 minute opening shot-Gravity (Detached Clip)
I have absolutely no idea how this movie was shot. From start to finish. While there are several fantastic and unforgettable moments located all throughout the movie, and almost every single one of them deserves a spot on this list, I will just pick one. Even this is a rather easy decision. The opening 13 minutes of Gravity easily stand above and beyond as one of the greatest shots I have ever seen in a film. Easily the best moment of 2013, the 13 minute single shot opening has the camera "floating" between all of the various characters and scenery, from initially showing the Explorer floating towards us from off in the distance, to having close-ups of Clooney and Bullock as they continue to try to reboot the satellite they've been working on for a week. Not to mention wide shots of earth that were absolutely breathtaking to see in a movie theater. Additionally, the first major crash scene is filmed within this single shot, (see the clip) and somehow the scene is captured flawlessly. Despite the mass chaos occurring on the screen in front of me, I never once felt nauseous or overwhelmed. I have watched the scene many times by this point, and it has yet to NOT leave me completely breathless. 10/10, Alfonso Cuaron. 10/10.
2) DiCaprio's Speech-Wolf of Wall Street (Full Scene WARNING explicit content!)
Easily the most controversial movie of 2013, The Wolf of Wall Street is full of....well.....things. There is so much crap happening on screen at once in this movie. It is utterly amazing in its production value. And in a movie filled with many great scenes, one stands out. The moment that just might get Leo that Oscar he deserves. Well, there are three big speeches in the movie, but the speech where he convinces his crowd of misfits to sell Steve Madden's IPO is one for the ages. There's an electricity in that scene that you can only fully appreciate by watching it on screen. And hey! There's a link where it says full scene! Here's the background on the scene: according to the writer, Terrence Winter, (longtime writer of many Scorsese projects) he asked the real Wolf of Wall Street, Jordan Belfort, to come in and recreate these speeches for him and DiCaprio so that they could implement them into the movie as accurately as possible. Boy did they. The amount of intensity DiCaprio puts into these speeches, and particularly the Madden IPO, is breathtaking. Beautifully written and masterfully acted, this is one of the best speeches in recent movie memory. It is easily one of the best moments of the year.
3) Takeover of Philly-World War Z (Edited Scene)
Don't worry guys, you won't see this movie anywhere else on any lists. While I personally really liked this movie, and it was arguably one of the best of the summer blockbusters, the movie also received a lot of criticism for it not being anything like its source material. I say who cares. When you watch it from a movie perspective and acknowledge the fact that virtually the only similarity between it and the book is the fact that they share the same name, you will realize that it is a really good movie! Anyway, here's the part that you cannot deny, no matter how you feel about the movie, the opening of it is really freaking cool. To see a huge city go from normal to completely overrun with zombies in about 4 minutes is just, well, scary as hell. The chaos that unfolds in front of you is breathtaking, and really sets the mood for a frantically paced movie. Fortunately for us, it's used as a trailer, so you can watch the scene as many times as you like without watching the actual movie! But seriously, that wide shot of Philly in chaos gives me chills every time.
4) Let It Go sequence-Frozen (Full Scene)
Think what you want about the song, (I think it deserves best original song personally) but you cannot deny how beautiful the scene behind it is in terms of its animation. Just watch the clip. The attention to detail made by the animators to create this scene is breathtaking. The castle created is so complex and colorful that it really is mind-blowing, as well as the fact that you actually watch the creation of the castle unfold in front of you. Really makes you realize how far good animation has come over the last few years. Not to mention the part where Idinia Manzel's voice could stop a war. Proven fact. While Lord knows the song has been played about 9 kajillion times, you cannot deny that she's good.
5) Khan's Reveal-Star Trek Into Darkness (Full Scene SPOILER WARNING if you continue watching the scene after the reveal)
Ya this is kinda here because of Benedict Cumberbatch. I had a feeling that Cumberbatch was Khan, but the reveal still gave me goosebumps in the theater way back in May. It was also a special moment for me because this was the beginning of my (somehow) manly relationship with the actor Benedict Cumberbatch. I actually watched this scene with my parents, and definitely shared a moment with my dad (somewhat of a Trekkie) as this scene unfolded and he realized it was Khan. (He had no idea.) So....you may not agree with this moment at all, but for me personally, it was one of the best moments of the year. Also definitely the best scene in the movie from all three of these actors. Sure there were some flaws with the movie, but it was still a good sequel to Star Trek. And lots of fun. If you are freaking out over how good Star Wars 7 is going to be, go watch J.J. Abrams (directing Star Wars 7) and his recreation of the Star Trek universe. We'll be fine, guys. That was an unnecessary tangent but whatever. Bite me.
Honorable Mentions (In no particular order)
Solomon Northup is beaten and ignored-12 Years a Slave (Solomon Featurette sorry can't find the actual scene)
A truly unforgettable and heart-wrenching moment within a heart-wrenching movie.
"I'm the captain now."-Captain Phillips (Full Scene)
Already a Hollywood joke, this scene is chilling, and that line gives me goosebumps every time.
The Fight Scene cameos-Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (Full Scene WARNING: If you want to see this movie DO NOT WATCH THIS SCENE. If not, enjoy it, for it is absolutely hilarious)
I could not stop laughing with these cameos. So incredibly ridiculous yet....so great.
Opening: Pacific Rim (Full Scene-start at :30)
A really cool way to open a film. Lots of exposition that is actually entertaining! Good job guys.
The part where The Lone Ranger actually became The Lone Ranger briefly-The Lone Ranger (The only part worth watching)
I feel like I need to explain this one, because I am actually serious here. This movie sucked. Definitely one of the worst movies of last year. Now, while most of it was awful, and it definitely didn't deserve any nominations at the Oscars, there was about 3 minutes of movie in here that was actually wildly enjoyable and yes, one of the best moments of last year. When the classic song that has come to define the Lone Ranger FINALLY comes on, and he's riding through the rooftops and onto the train, a huge smile crept onto my face. Then the movie goes back to being terrible where all of the sudden there are multiple train tracks! And trains! And you can't tell where anything is or what is even happening etc, etc. Whatever! But for 3 minutes (the clip I have captures 1 of those 3 minutes) it was really really fun. If this movie isn't in my bottom 10, this is the sole reason why.
Wolf of Wall Street: http://www.slantmagazine.com/assets/film/wolfofwallstreet.jpg
World War Z: http://www.cgsociety.org/stories/2013_07/wwz/cinesite/streetd458.jpg
Star Trek: http://www.crushable.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/Star-Trek-Into-Darkness-Khan-Benedict-Cumberbatch-Zachary-Quinto-Chris-Pine-Kirk-Spock.jpg
Hello Internet! So I've watched a lot of movies from 2013. I'd say that of my 61 reviews on this site thus far, about 45 of them were from 2013 movies. And I watched a lot more from a pleasure standpoint as well. I'd say all in all I watched somewhere around 80-90 movies from 2013. So those are the credentials I bring to the table. Will you disagree with the list I'm about to present to you? I bet that you will! For one you will notice that both Chiwetel Ejiofor and Lupita Nyong'o are missing from this list. Sorry I just did not think the acting in that movie was what made it memorable. Rather, the events that happened in the movie itself were memorable. Ok? So please don't say I forgot about them because I didn't. It was a tough choice leaving them off the list/honorable mentions. But they were close! So, now that I addressed that, let's get this party started!
DISCLAIMER: I have not seen Nebraska or Philomena at the time of this writing, as no movie theater within 100 miles of me are playing either of them, so if you are wondering why Bruce Dern or Judi Dench are not on this list, it's because I have been unable to see these two movies. When I finally see them if I decide they are worth a mention or even an appearance in the top 10, I will make the necessary changes.
10) Joaquim Phoenix and Scarlett Johansson (Her)
A romantic story is only as good and convincing as the actors playing the leads. And this movie is one of the best movies of the year. This happened via Phoenix and merely the voice of Johansson. It takes some serious acting to convincingly fall in love with something you can't see. It's just as hard to create a convincing character using only your voice. Both come together here as well as peanut butter and chocolate. You root for these characters from start to finish, and really feel for them by the end. Many emotional moments to say the least. Also I should mention this is quite possibly the most grounded role I've ever seen from Phoenix. If you harbor something against him for how he has presented himself over the last few years, just know that none of that shows in Her. Finally, Scarlett Johansson's voice is almost as beautiful as Scarlett Johansson. Just saying.
9) Barkhad Abdi (Captain Phillips)
"Look at me. Look at me. I'm the captain now." It's already becoming a bit of a joke in Hollywood, but it's so chilling and well-spoken! So this guy was a limo driver in Minneapolis at this time last year, guys. Yep. He answered an open casting call two years back and received the nod to start opposite Tom Hanks as the leader of the Somalian terrorist group that attacks Hanks and his crew. His cold demeanor, chilling delivery, and frightening presence makes him almost outproduce Hanks in the lead role. This is his first role ever, and thus his first nomination, and is a heartwarming surprise to the Oscars. If it weren't for Jared Leto, he might even have a legitimate shot at winning the damn thing! What a story that would be right? While a major problem of this movie was that every other terrorist in his crew are just cardboard cutouts with no character development whatsoever, Abdi easily stood out. I am definitely looking forward to seeing what he has to offer Hollywood next!
8) Bradley Cooper (American Hustle)
I love Bradley Cooper ever since his performance as Face in The A-Team, and the fact that he puts so much time into preparing for his roles, so this may be a little biased. But he is just fantastic in this movie. Seriously fantastic. He's hilarious, he's intimidating, he's crazy, and he's unpredictable. So many great scenes. So many great moments! His interactions with Louis C.K. may be my favorite, though. Particularly with how that story resolves featuring a certain telephone. Sure the FBI agent that he's playing is wildly unbelievable, but does it matter? When you play him like this, absolutely not. Hilarious. Well done, Mr. Cooper. Well done.
7) Matthew McConaughey (Mud)
To all you McConaughey haters out there, shhhh. This man was a terrible actor. I will be the first to admit I was a huge McConaughey hater back in the day. The Wedding Planner? Awful. How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Laughably bad. But when he played himself ironically in Tropic Thunder, it turned my head. Then I saw him in The Lincoln Lawyer, and he started convincing me that he was turning it around. Then he BLEW me away in Mud. Mud is charming, charismatic, lovable, and yet....so incredibly evil. He has so many quirks with his body language that he has it honestly reminded me of (deep breath) Heath Ledger as the Joker. Remember all his hand motions and everything? Same goes of McConaughey as Mud. Seriously. Go see this movie so that you can start to change your mind about this actor. He really deserves a second chance. I honestly wanted to put this higher on the list. I wanted to label this as the second-best acting performance of the year, guys. I intimidated myself out of it and moved it down to seventh, but it is an unforgettable performance regardless.
6) Amy Adams (American Hustle)
I feel like I did not praise Amy Adams enough in my review of American Hustle. I apologize for that. She has to effectively transition between two different personalities as she lives her life as a con artist, which includes using a well-spoken British accent. She has to convince Bradley Cooper's character as well as us that she's a British banker, and she does it flawlessly. Without a doubt my favorite moment from her in this movie is when she transitions between her British personality and her American personality in the same shot. This is not an easy thing to do as an actor, guys. She nails it, and it translates to one of the best scenes of the entire movie. Definitely the most tense scene at least. Thanks to David O. Russell, this actress has shot up the food chain and has successfully established herself as one of the best actresses in Hollywood right now. It will definitely be a close one between her and Blanchett for Best Actress, though my early favorite is Blanchett. As the Oscars get closer I will release my official predictions.
5) Cate Blanchett (Blue Jasmine)
Arguably the best performance by an actress from 2013, Cate Blanchett somehow figures out a way to take a totally despicable character and make you appreciate her and root for her. How? By successfully conveying a huge range of emotions, everything from smugness to happiness to fear to full-blown depression. This woman had everything, and she took it for granted. And it all fell apart right in front of her. Her scenes of depression and confiding in her sister are the best scenes of this movie. Honestly, this entire movie is single-handily carried by Blanchett, so give her a lot of credit for making Blue Jasmine as good as it was.
4) Jared Leto (Dallas Buyers Club)
Easily the best performance by a supporting actor this year and a sure-thing for the appropriate Oscar, Leto, as big of a jerk as he may be in real life, puts in the performance of a lifetime in Dallas Buyers Club. I will never forget his initial reveal and thinking to myself, "Is that Jared Leto? No. No way is it him. Holy shit it's Jared Leto." this may have been a result of initially not actually knowing what role he played in the movie, but upon researching it after watching the movie it became incredibly obvious that he easily deserves the award. He lost a ton of weight for the role, bringing his body to dangerously low levels of, well, everything. Then he cross-dressed and learned how to play a transvestite. Then he learned how to play a woman trying to be a man for his father. This was one of the hardest scenes to watch in the movie. I can barely even grasp the notion of being a guy playing a guy who's really a girl trying to pretend to be a guy. Tongue twister. Where's Robert Downey Jr. in Tropic Thunder when you need him? Anyway, this was an incredible performance from him. As weird as it is to say, I look forward to what he has to offer next.
3) Robert Redford (All is Lost)
Definitely the biggest no-show in this year's Oscar nominations, Robert Redford puts in an unforgettable performance as a nameless man in All is Lost. He says about 10 words throughout the entire movie, so it is entirely up to his facial expressions and body language to create this character fighting for survival. For a great example, when he sees a giant storm heading straight for him in his already damaged yacht, he shows fear, then determination, then resilience and fortitude, all in the same shot. Absolutely breathtaking. By the end of the movie I was just as engrossed in this man's fight for survival as I was any other character in any movie this year. Flawless execution from a worthwhile actor, this movie is worth seeing solely based on Redford alone.
2) Mattew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club)
What a McConassance this year has been. After he blew me away in Mud, he goes out and does one better in Dallas Buyers Club. This guy is 2013's Ben Affleck story. I can't help but love actors that finally start to turn their careers and reputations around in Hollywood! The current favorite for this year's Best Actor award, Matthew McConaughey went all out in playing this role. Losing an incredible amount of weight and basically putting himself through what Hugh Jackman did to look like he did in the opening of Les Miserables, McConaughey does an incredible job as the lead in Dallas Buyers Club, from creating a convincing story arc in how he treats gays (which is done entirely via acting, almost no writing involved whatsoever) to his story arc as a person in general and how he deals with his own HIV/AIDS ordeal, McConaughey does not just deliver one standout moment, but rather he creates an entire movie of standout moments. The only actor to be mentioned twice on this list, McConaughey really is the best story of this past year. Please give him a chance!
1) Leonardo DiCaprio (The Wolf of Wall Street)
I've hinted at this a lot throughout the last month or so, but DiCaprio's performance in Scorsese's latest work is easily the best of this man's highly distinguished career. Nothing else even comes close. Asked to basically ruin his real-life reputation in one movie by putting himself in countless provocative positions, Leo literally lays it all out on the line as the lead. From various sex scenes to a candle wax fetish scene, Leo shows that he has no problem doing whatever his director asks of him. Taking his clothes off on camera? Not a problem. But that isn't the only thing memorable in this movie. Throughout the movie he has several monologues that he gives to his employees at Stratton Oakmont, and each one of them are unforgettable. One in particular stands out: when Leo delivers a monologue to his employes to get them to sell an IPO of Steve Madden's shoes, it is absolutely breathtaking. There's an electricity to this scene that I haven't seen from anyone else this year. And let's not forget to mention the part where he, in a "cerebral palsy" phase of drug highs, crawls through a country club, down some steps, and into his car to get back to his house. If DiCaprio didn't show that he can be hilarious in addition to being phenomenal in Django Unchained, he definitely shows it here. Oh, and on top of everything else, he creates some of the best voice-over narration I've ever heard in any movie, much less previous Martin Scorsese movies. While he may not win the Oscar for Best Actor due to how controversial the role is, he most certainly deserves it. However he does earn the title of Enter the Movie's Best Acting Performance of 2013! Now to find Leo and give him this great award I wrote on a piece of paper.....I'm sure he'd be thrilled!
HONORABLE MENTIONS (in no particular order)
Daniel Bruhl (Rush)
One of the more overlooked roles of the year, he was definitely the best part of this great racing movie.
Oprah Winfrey (The Butler)
You forget that, before she became Oprah, she could act. She delightfully reminds you here.
Jonah Hill (The Wolf of Wall Street)
A huge surprise, Hill brings his comedic timing to a great character story. This dude can act!
Sandra Bullock (Gravity)
Robert Redford in space, Bullock has to carry the back half of this movie by herself, and she definitely shines.
Tom Hanks (Captain Phillips)
Another fantastic reminder of why Tom Hanks is one of the greatest actors ever.
ADDENDUM: After seeing Judi Dench in Philomena, I must add her to the list. A wonderful reminder of how talented she is. Charming, funny, and emotional, she knew just how to tug on my heart strings. (If I wanted to keep this list to 15, I would probably remove Sandra Bullock. But, I can do whatever I want! So NO. I'm going to have 16 names on this list.
Joaquin Phoenix: http://images.contactmusic.com/images/feature-images/her-joaquin-phoenix-03-600-370.jpg
Barkhad Abdi: http://www.parade.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/CapPhillips_1.jpg
Bradley Cooper: http://oracleoffilm.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/o-american-hustle-gifs-facebook.jpg
Matthew McConaughey (Mud): http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/audio/video/2013/5/9/1368099273534/MUD---exclusive-video-cli-001.jpg
Amy Adams: http://media2.onsugar.com/files/2013/10/17/832/n/1922283/231cb679d2e2aac8_-3.xxxlarge/i/Amy-Adams-American-Hustle.jpg
Cate Blanchet: http://lisathatcher.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/blue-jasmine-2.jpg
Jared Leto: http://www.ropeofsilicon.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/jared-leto-dallas-buyers-club-1012013-123830.jpg
Robert Redford: http://cinema-scope.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/all-is-lost-robert-redford.jpg
Matthew McConaughey (Dallas Buyers Club): http://focusfeaturesmedia.com/uploads/image/mediafile/1377714277-d4458dd16e2059a8362b1c7024c2cfea/x900.jpg
Leonardo DiCaprio: http://cdn.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Wolf-of-Wall-Street.jpg
Hey how are you doing? Fantastic. So when you get done here you should go over to Facebook and "Like" Enter the Movies for the latest and greatest on all things movies. If you don't, Puss In Boots will be sad. We wouldn't want that now would we?
I believe you've gotta have fun in everything you do. Otherwise, what's the point?