Quick Reviews, Winter 2018: The Commuter, The 15:17 to Paris, Game Night, Red Sparrow, Thoroughbreds, Gringo

3/20/2018

Quick Reviews, Winter 2018: The Commuter, The 15:17 to Paris, Game Night, Red Sparrow, Thoroughbreds, Gringo

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The Commuter

The Commuter (2018): A businessman is caught up in a criminal conspiracy during his daily commute home.

This movie sucks. Liam Neeson had been on a nice run with these winter action movie releases from director Jaume Collet-Serra. The duo had previously teamed up for Unknown, Non-Stop, and Run All Night, all at least somewhat enjoyable films. This one, though, is a dud. After the polarizing The Shallows from this director, we get a lifeless, predictable, corny action flick from the two that was not fun or enjoyable in any way. Honestly, this one should've been left on the cutting room floor. Ok. Maybe that's a little too harsh. It starts out interestingly enough! The initial premise is just as interesting as Non-Stop's was. But the execution of it is SO. BAD. The great Vera Farmiga and Sam Neil are given absolutely nothing to do, and the other riders on this train, outside of Jonathan Banks (who, of course, gets off right away) are bland and uninteresting. Patrick Wilson and Elizabeth McGovern are here too, but blink and you might miss them. Liam Neeson is doing his best Liam Neeson impersonation, which is the best part of the film, but....man. The action set pieces here look baaaaaaaaaaad. Towards the end the train blows up (because of course the train blows up) and this whole sequence can put itself somewhere between "The fight with Electro in The Amazing Spider-Man 2" bad and "The Rock in Scorpion King" bad. It borders on hilarious, and of course Liam Neeson is being hero shielded throughout it in absurd fashion, just so he can uncover this VAST CONSPIRACY in the waning moments of the film during a "hostage situation" which was just stupid. Like the rest of the movie. Personally, I hope Neeson and director Jaume Collet-Serra team up again. But, for now? Just go and watch Non-Stop again.

My Number: 3/10

The 15:17 to Paris

The 15:17 to Paris (2017): Three Americans discover a terrorist plot aboard a train while in France.

Talk about a misfire. The latest from director Clint Eastwood, The 15:17 to Paris is a complete mess of a film. While the movie does feature the actual heroes from the events on the train, this also means that it features people who aren’t actors and have no prior film experience. It’s a good idea, but the execution of this idea is not just bad, it's totally nonexistent. The screenplay from Dorothy Blyskal didn’t help either, but Eastwood makes the strange decision to put these novices on screen together with no experienced actors alongside them to play off each other. For most of the film, it’s just them and their life. Nothing else. EVERY scene felt like the flower scene from The Room, and that is not (necessarily) something you want to strive for. But the dialogue is awful, and it’s delivered by people who have no prior experience in film, so they can’t look at a bad line and say, “I don’t think this will work, let’s try this.” There’s also this long opening sequence with child-actors and Judy Greer/Jenna Fischer that was almost as hard-to-watch as the later parts of the film that feature the heroes themselves. I don’t know if they filmed this sequence after the rest of movie, and by then Eastwood and co. already realized that they had a bad film on his hands, but there’s no reason for this sequence to have been as bad as it was. Even experienced guys like P.J. Byrne, Tony Hale, and Thomas Lennon were terrible, as if all their scenes were shot only once and Eastwood said, “Ok! Pack it up, guys! We got the shot!” There’s a good short here-if the train sequence was all we got, starring the heroes, it would’ve been enjoyable. But as a feature-length film? Heck no. STAY AWAY.

My Number: 1.5/10

Game Night

Game Night (2018): A group of friends who meet regularly for game nights find themselves trying to solve a murder mystery.

Hey, look! It's a modern American comedy that isn't terrible! Been a while since we've had one of those. Don't worry, though: while it's not terrible, it isn't great, either. I laughed a good amount, which is really all that matters in a comedy. Even though not all the jokes landed with me. The core idea of this story is pretty interesting and is executed decently well. It keeps you guessing on whether everything that's happening is real or not all the way until a hastily added epilogue, (which is easily the weakest part of the film, despite having the funniest joke in the movie that you saw in all the trailers) which made the story fun and engaging. Rachel McAdams is the star of the show here, as her innocent/desensitized approach is a breath of fresh air for American comedy. (Don't worry, Jason Bateman does his best to offset her....he's just Jason Bateman) The rest of the cast isn't given a lot to do, but guys like Jesse Plemons, Billy Magnussen, and Lamorne Morris do shine with what they are given. Also, Kyle Chandler is pretty good. Another reason this film is getting the praise its seeing is because it's more than lightly edited improv! There's some noticeable effort put in to the editing/cinematography/score departments of the movie. That doesn't mean they are executed well, but as so many American comedies become lazier and lazier in their execution, I will appreciate when a film at least tries. (Sad how low the bar has become for the modern American comedy) There's a big longshot in this film that was nice to see, despite being poorly executed. End of the day, this is the first American comedy I feel like recommending in over a year, which is nice. Just don't go in with very high expectations, because the bar is just that low nowadays.

My Number: 6/10

Red Sparrow

Red Sparrow (2018): Ballerina Dominika Egorova is recruited to 'Sparrow School,' a Russian intelligence service where she is forced to use her body as a weapon. Her first mission, targeting a C.I.A. agent, threatens to unravel the security of both nations.

This movie freaking SUCKS. It's so self-serious, and it's based around a story that is completely absurd yet somehow manages to play out almost EXACTLY like you expect it to. Jennifer Lawrence is......fine, but her Russian accent is pretty mediocre. Yes, she goes all-in for this role, but it feels somewhat hollow to me given the fact that the bare-all aspect of her performance was used in the marketing campaign. (Have you followed her press tour at all leading up to the film?) But the biggest problem with this film is the first thing I said: it is SO FREAKING SELF-SERIOUS. This movie seriously thinks it's the most important thing to ever happen to cinema since color. There is no humor in here whatsoever, and that would be ok if there was any semblance of adequate character development at all for, well, ANYONE. Even Dominika (Lawrence) does things that seem inexplicable in a vein attempt to keep the audience guessing on her true motivations. I even forgot what her mother looked like (the entire centerpiece of the film's plot) at one point because characters are introduced and then dismissed so quickly. (Did you know Mary-Louise Parker was in this? Blink and you might miss her!) It also didn't help that we were moving locations so rapidly there were moments I didn't even know what continent we were on. One second we're somewhere in Europe, the next we're back in Russia. The transitions were.....rough. And OH MY GOD THIS FILM IS 140 MINUTES LONG. WHO THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA? This felt like a Transformers movie more than anything else. There's a good montage at the beginning, and the final twist is somewhat unexpected, but in between there's 2 hours worth of incoherent nonsense. Trust me: it's not worth it.

My Number: 2.5/10

Thoroughbreds

Thoroughbreds (2017): Two upper-class teenage girls in suburban Connecticut rekindle their unlikely friendship after years of growing apart. Together, they hatch a plan to solve both of their problems-no matter what the cost.

This movie is NUTS, and I love it. After making the rounds (with a bit of buzz behind it) in the festival circuit in 2017, Thoroughbreds finally got picked up by a distributor and went nationwide. I am SO glad it did, because if you want to watch a film that is wildly unpredictable, completely over-the-top, and balls-to-the-wall crazy, this is it. Like, stop what you're doing RIGHT NOW and go watch this. Well, maybe finish reading this first and THEN go and see it. Maybe? Oh, they're gone already? Cool. I know you're still here, Oscar. Thanks man. Anyway, the film stars Anya Taylor-Joy and Olivia Cooke and is the directorial AND writing debut for Cory Finley. To say I can't wait to see what this guy does next is an understatement. He crafts a wonderful cynical satire here, as Amanda (Cooke) and Lily (Taylor-Joy) have everything they could ever want, yet they feel the unquenchable urge to kill Lily's stepfather (played by another favorite actor of mine, Paul Sparks) because he sucks and is bringing them down. We can all relate to that, right? (Looks at Oscar) The dialogue here is amazing, and the deadpan delivery style of Olivia Cooke sells it. I haven't really seen Cooke in anything until now, but boy is she on my radar after this. (Just in time for Ready Player One in a few weeks!) The late Anton Yelchin is also in this, (that's how long ago this thing was actually filmed) but sadly he isn't given that much to do, as the story focuses on Lily/Amanda. He's almost like a token male, which would be fine were it not for the fact that this is Yelchin's final role. Fortunately, though, Yelchin's character, Tim, does have the best moment of the film as he wanders through Lily's extravagant house in awe as "Ave Maria" plays in the background, so at least there's that. But, I can't fault the film for not featuring him more. This is definitely a guilty pleasure piece....it is a little pretentious, the ending is a little too neat for this story, and there are some big jumps in logic that you have to take, but.....man. If you're into some crazy American Psycho-esque dramas, this sucker is for you. (I know, lazy analogy as it's on the poster, but it's used for good reason.) Fortunately, I am one of those people. We don't get nearly enough films like this made nowadays.

My Number: 8/10

Gringo

Gringo (2017): GRINGO, a dark comedy mixed with white-knuckle action and dramatic intrigue, explores the battle of survival for businessman Harold Soyinka (David Oyelowo) when he finds himself crossing the line from law-abiding citizen to wanted criminal.

This movie...... What is its purpose? Why is it even here? I have zero clue. Is it a comedy? Ok, fine. Then why is everyone so unlikable? Richard (Joel Edgerton) and Elaine (Charlize Theron) are total jerks, and you hardly get any laughs out of them because they are such terrible people. And not in the It's Always Sunny kind of way because they aren't the ones who find themselves in a traumatic situation of their own making. That belongs to Harold. (David Oyelowo) He's kind of a likable guy, but his character arc is pretty absurd. Sunny (Amanda Seyfried) is the most likable person in this and she's only in the film for like 15 minutes. Is it a drama? Ok, fine. Then why are these events so bombastic? Harold goes con-man to crybaby, to killer in the span of 111 minutes, and we're supposed to accept this? Who thought this was a good idea???? I went into this with low expectations, but I had some hope. Joel Edgerton has been in some baaaaad movies over the past year or so, but I was really thinking that this was more of a passion project for him and his brother Nash Edgerton. (He was the director) You accept every role you're handed by the studio so you can get something like Gringo funded with total creative control. But....if this is what you're going to come up with, it's officially time for me to hit the panic button on your career. It's boring, unfunny, and just dumb. Also, it's 2018 guys: STOP HAVING THE FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY THERE TO SERVE THE MEN. Seriously! Bonnie (Thandie Newton) is such a shallow character. She is Harold's wife, but of course she's having an affair with Richard because....reasons? Who needs an explanation on that? And then she's gone. Like. That's her character. "Wife, has an affair for no reason, men no longer need her so she's gone." Sunny is in the same boat, which is a shame because her boyfriend Miles (Harry Treadaway) is an extremely bland character. Sunny should've been both of those characters: she seems to be enjoying Harold's company, but maybe she has ulterior motives? Intrigue... WHOA. Way more interesting than this garbage. And of course Elaine is a character with motivations that you see in a porn film that men love to fantasize about. "Oh, professor, I'll do anything to get an A!" GTFO. 2018 is here, and I'm done with these stereotypes. Avoid this dumpster fire at all costs. It should've never been funded. End rant. There are a few funny moments, but all they do is show what could have been.

My Number: 3/10

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