Quick Reviews, Spring 2019: High Life, Pet Sematary, Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile, Detective Pikachu, Aladdin, Godzilla: King of the Monsters

High Life

High Life (2019): A father and his daughter struggle to survive in deep space where they live in isolation.

I don't know if any American studio other than A24, with the backing of a recognizable star in Robert Pattinson (thanks, Twilight - never forget) would've made a film as eclectic and outlandish as this. A film set almost entirely in space, with an intimate cast, and a wild premise set the stage for this very sci-fi-y sci-fi film. Robert Pattinson (Monte) shines in his passion project directed by Claire Denis that is one of those films that throws everything against the wall in an attempt to see what sticks. Obviously, in a film as whimsical as this, not every idea lands, but it's still refreshing to see a film go this insane in its premise. Unfortunately, the largest part of this film is also its weakest: the crew storyline is rather bland compared to Robert Pattison's deeply personal and genuine space struggle. But, depressingly, most of this film is spent focusing on a crew of strangers, with a criminal history, paired together in a confined area for years in space, with a predictable result. While it's admittedly refreshing to see a premise like “death row inmates given the chance to earn their freedom by embarking on a suicide space mission” executed in a film, it's nowhere near as compelling as Monte's struggle on the station for decades while trying to raise a daughter. However, those few moments we do see of Monte's are easily the best moments of the film, and tease an incredibly intriguing premise that could have been. In short, this is a unique film that leaves its original premise mostly on the curb for a stereotypical “last man standing” story, but still delivers some good visuals and hints of greatness throughout. Close, but no cigar.

My Number: 6/10

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Pet Sematary

Pet Sematary (2019): Dr. Louis Creed and his wife, Rachel, relocate from Boston to rural Maine with their two young children. The couple soon discover a mysterious burial ground hidden deep in the woods near their new home.

Why does this movie exist? The Stephen King relaunch train continues with this motionless, passionless, soulless reboot of the 1983 novel / 1989 film that has absolutely no reason for existence outside of some executive somewhere watched It make a bunch of money and thought, "Oh, we can do that too!!!" There's no heart in this film. Pet Sematary goes through all the stereotypical motions of a horror film, skirts around the only interesting thing in its premise, (the idea of letting go and moving on) all for the sake of having another cheesy jump scare. I haven't read the original novel, but I would assume it delved into the more interesting aspects of this premise, which was left on the cutting room floor here because look! Let's have another drawn out sequence leading to a jump scare! Yaaaaaa! This film isn't even worth it once it hits streaming services. 2017's It caught lightning in a bottle, and if this attempted reboot is any indication…. That lightning is not being replicated any time soon. Avoid like the plague.

My Number: 2.5/10

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Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile

Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (2019): A courtroom frenzy ensues and sweeps 1970s America when a young single mother meets Ted Bundy.

They should've called this the Zac Efron show. He's the main reason this film exists. A passion project of Efron's made some waves at Sundance before being purchased by Netflix. However, a gripping performance from Efron falls on mostly deft ears as the rest of this film is subpar at best. Lily Collins is wonderful, but her character, Liz Kendall, is a rather poorly written character, despite Efron claiming that the story is (somehow) mostly about her. While there are a few great scenes between Kendall and Ted Bundy, (Efron) most notably the film's dramatic closing scene, most of the time I felt Bundy stole every aspect of the movie, much like how his real life persona dominated everything around him. It's frustrating to me to see a man as repulsive as Ted Bundy, an individual who brutally killed 30+ people, portrayed in such a positive light in 2019. While it's somewhat obvious to say, "There's no way Bundy would be portrayed like this if he was a black man," it's still genuinely frustrating to have scenes in this 2019 film where women are dreaming over Bundy, (one unfortunate character basically throws herself at Bundy later on in the film) with little more than a grim placeholder of the carnage he inflicted at film's end. In short…. Efron's great, his portrayal of Bundy is uncanny, but it falls short because of its uncomfortably positive portrayal of the convicted serial killer. But it's not bad, so if you like these sort of films you won't regret flipping it on as you chill.

My Number: 5/10

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Pokemon Detective Pikachu

Pokemon Detective Pikachu (2019): In a world where people collect Pokémon to do battle, a boy comes across an intelligent talking Pikachu who seeks to be a detective.

​This film is a decent, if flawed, proof-of-concept film. A live action Pokemon movie that's secretly a modern day film noir story, Pokemon: Detective Pikachu is ahead of its time on the tech, (give it another 5 years, people) but is still mildly charming and surprisingly engaging with its somewhat noir-y detective story and wonderful chemistry between Pikachu (Ryan Reynolds) and Tim Goodman. (Justice Smith) But I couldn't help but be distracted by the visuals at multiple points. Visuals which were…. Muddy, at points. There were a lot of "establishing shots" that showed off the Pokemon in the world, and idk why director Rob Letterman did that because those shots really showed the limits of this technology and how far we still have to go. That said, the film is still lovely, with an uplifting message and a fun little journey between its leads. Will it stick with you? No. I started forgetting about the film the second I left the theater. But is it a fun time? ………...yes? There are worse ways to spend your time, but I do think this film is destined to be a Netflix and chill kind of experience. Wait until then to go see it.

My Number: 6/10

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Aladdin

Aladdin (2019): A kind-hearted street urchin and a power-hungry Grand Vizier vie for a magic lamp that has the power to make their deepest wishes come true.

Do I have to talk about Aladdin? Because I really don't want to. The latest installment in Disney's live action remakes continues the trend of these films being soulless husks, existing for the sole reason to be cash grabs for the supreme mouse overlord.  I love Aladdin: as a kid it was one of my favorite Disney animated films. I can recall dozens of times singing along to wonderful songs like "Prince Ali," "Arabian Nights," and, of course, "Friend Like Me." But this live-action remake takes any sparks created by the original and throws it out them out the window in favor of..... Will Smith? Really? That's your replacement for one of the most iconic performances in Disney animated history? Will Smith? Look. Will Smith is a great actor. He's done great things before, and he'll do great things again. But the original Aladdin is propped up by the exemplary greatness of Robin Williams, in a voice role which proved to be one of the most influential (for better or worse) in the history of animated films, and Will Smith..... just..... can't..... do..... it. The film is sunk then and there, but it doesn't help that Aladdin (Mena Massoud) is annoyingly charismatic, the zaniness / flamboyantry of Jafar (Marwan Kenzari) is all but gone,  and the blatant sexism littered throughout the original Aladdin is still scattered about here. (No, giving Jasmine a new song where she says she's her own person does not automatically fix everything.) The new music is forgettable, the renditions of the original content is mediocre, (why oh WHY did you have Will Smith sing "Arabian Nights"??) and only once did I even feel like we got a chance to hear one of these actors actually flaunt their singing voice. (Well done in "Speechless (Part 2)," Naomi Scott.) TL;DR - this movie sucks, and is not worth your money. Go see Rocketman instead.

My Number: 3/10

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Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019): The crypto-zoological agency Monarch faces off against a battery of god-sized monsters, including the mighty Godzilla, who collides with Mothra, Rodan, and his ultimate nemesis, the three-headed King Ghidorah.

Ugh. Speaking of films that are soulless, cash-grabbing husks.... I present to you Godzilla: King of the Monsters. But, unlike Aladdin, I actually wanted to like this film. I really tried to - I even went so far as to watch this film in IMAX because who doesn't want to see a big budget Godzilla movie? I giggled like a kid in a candy store the first time we heard Godzilla roar back in 2014. Well, not when it's made like this. Much of this film is spent developing characters that you don't care about with hand-fisted dialogue being rammed down your throat, with a massive cast of A-listers that are either given nothing to do, (see: the token Chinese star, Ziya Zhang, or freaking Sally Hawkins) or simply don't care. (See: Vera Farmiga and Kyle Chandler) Why are we here? To see Godzilla beat up some monsters. Specifically, King Ghidorah. How often does this happen in this 131 minute film? Twice. Freaking. Twice. And both times it's in the dark, in the rain, and shot with uncomfortable close-ups because Legendary / Warner Brothers clearly didn't feel like spending money on the action sequences. Yes, this makes the film feel both cheap and meaningless, as much of the human dialogue is a complete waste of time. This film is the Pacific Rim: Uprising in Warner Brothers' MonsterVerse: a film called Godzilla where everyone all but forgets that Godzilla is supposed to be the focal point. Yes, the child in me did manage to have a bit of fun in the final battle between Godzilla and King Ghidorah, aka WHAT WE PAID TO SEE, but this brief ounce of enjoyment is not enough to offset the 90+ minutes of film that proceeded it, the wasted A-list cast, (seriously: how do you waste Millie Bobby Brown, Ken Watanabe, and O'Shea Jackson Jr.? HOW? Though I will say it's fun to see Twyin Lannister make his way to earth) and totally obnoxious force fed dialogue that we get all throughout this trainwreck. Stay away and wait for Godzilla vs. Kong next year. Please be good....

My Number: 3.5/10