Quick Reviews: Bird Box, Crazy Rich Asians, Destroyer, On the Basis of Sex, Bumblebee

Bird Box

Bird Box (2018): Five years after an ominous unseen presence drives most of society to suicide, a mother and her two children make a desperate bid to reach safety.

Bird Box is Netflix's latest (and most successful, according to their own proprietary metrics) original film starring Sandra Bullock and Trevante Rhodes. While it has inspired a mini-cultural phenomenon, I'm a little confused as to why, because..... this film leaves a lot to be desired. Director Susanne Bier follows up the disastrous Serena (remember when that Jennifer Lawrence / Bradley Cooper film was a thing?) with an ineptly paced, poorly written post-apocalypse film that breaks its own rules as much as it attempts to establish them. The film tells two stories concurrently with the same characters: one takes place immediately after "the event," and the other takes place several years later. However, because both stories involve the same characters, you never feel any tension in the early storyline. You know exactly what's going to happen with them as soon as you realize the story is non-linear. (Which happens immediately as the first cut to "the event" storyline just haaaaaas to tell you as much.) With that sense of tension removed, "the event" storyline has very little going for it outside of pairing some iconic actors and actresses together. (Even if John Malkovich is merely playing himself.) Susanne Brier REALLY wants you to feel the tension, though, as scenes linger entirely too long and not nearly enough time is spent establishing the relationship of Malorie (Bullock) and Tom. (Rhodes) Basically, this film is one interesting gimmick (not being able to see outside) with a flimsy story and mediocre acting surrounding it. I guess the gimmick is enough to make it as culturally relevant as it currently is?

My Number: 4/10

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Crazy Rich Asians

Crazy Rich Asians (2018): This contemporary romantic comedy, based on a global bestseller, follows native New Yorker Rachel Chu to Singapore to meet her boyfriend's family.

It's kind of fitting for me to go from one culturally relevant film that is mediocre at best to this, because, unlike Bird Box, this culturally relevant film is SO FREAKING GOOD. You're DAMN RIGHT I love Crazy Rich Asians! The first film starring an all Asian cast in over 20 years, Crazy Rich Asians lives its name to the fullest with a totally unapologetic and over-the-top romcom. Yes, it is a mess from a story perspective, but who cares when the production design is AMAZING. These Asians are not just rich, they're CRAZY rich, (you see what I did there? It's ok, I'll escort myself out now) and the production design does a phenomenal job reminding you of it basically every second. These sets are utterly ridiculous, and I love it. You better believe I'm gonna be sad if there isn't an Oscar nomination for production design in this film's future. (Siiiiiiigh) Outside of its ridiculously amazing sets, the film has one of the best hunks of a lead I've ever seen. Yes, I have a total man-crush on the obnoxiously charming and charismatic Nick Young, played by Henry Golding. His relationship with Rachel Chu (Constance Wu) was excellent, particularly in the scenes where Golding was shirtless. (Did I say that?) Also, FREAKING AWKWAFINA. She is SO good as Chu's college roommate Peik Lin Goh! Sure, she's basically playing herself, but herself is perfect for this role. (Unlike John Malkovich in Bird Box, who's version of himself is just annoying and unlikable.) The best performance, though, belongs to Eleanor Young. (Michelle Yeoh) The iconic Chinese actress holds nothing back portraying Nick Young's mother, and her intimidating presence is felt even when she's not on screen. Like I said, the story is a bit messy and is perfectly predictable, but I could not be more fine with that. Nothing will take away the sheer fun this movie is, and is as good a romcom as any that came out in 2018.

My Number: 8/10

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Destroyer

Destroyer (2018): A police detective reconnects with people from an undercover assignment in her distant past in order to make peace.

So it's rather fitting that I just posted my review of Vice as I get to writing this, because you wanna talk about quantifiable acting.... see exhibit A from Nicole Kidman. One of the best actresses in the business today strips away all the glamour and gets way down in the dirt for this nitty, gritty, modern take on a noir film. Unfortunately, that's about all this film has going for it. Despite Kidman's terrific performance, (one which should be at least recognized by the Academy in a very crowded year for Best Actress. Awwww) this film suffers from a script almost as incoherent as Vice. This time, the faults lie in the dialogue, which is painfully awkward at points, and in its villain, who is anything but menacing. Sorry, Toby Kebbell, but you need great dialogue to be a menacing figure, and there's very little of that to be found around here. But, when the film does stumble onto some great dialogue, it leads to some frustratingly terrific moments. Frustrating because they show you what could-have-been. There's one sequence in particular with detective Erin Bell (Kidman) and her daughter, Shelby, (Jade Pettyjohn) where I found myself hanging on every word spoken from the detective. (It's the scene in the diner from the trailer. They knew it was a great scene.) Course, director Karyn Kusama also recognized this moment as the tentpole of Kidman's performance, as almost the entire 3-4 minute sequence is focused solely on her face. And this is undoubtedly the reason the entire film exists. It gives one of the upper A-listers in Hollywood a chance to show off her wildly dynamic acting talents in a role she wouldn't usually find herself in, and from that perspective, it's great. Because show them off, she does. With some terrific makeup to boot. But there's really nothing else here to keep you invested. Oh, and the ending sucks. Doesn't help things, either. This seems like it's a film destined for Netflix. If you're a fan of quantifiable acting or Nicole Kidman, it's well worth the watch once it's there. Everyone else? Your time is better spent elsewhere.

My Number: 4.5/10

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On the Basis of Sex

On the Basis of Sex (2018): The story of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, her struggles for equal rights, and what she had to overcome in order to become a U.S. Supreme Court Justice.

​I think I'm a sucker for courtroom dramas. because this movie is a little messy and is SUPER formulaic, but I still had a pretty good time with it nonetheless. The sets are generic, the story has "important Oscar film" written all over it, and yet..... when RBG (Felicity Jones) finds her voice I'm still shook, guys! Martin Ginsberg (Armie Hammer) is so charming and charismatic! And he and Ruth have terrific chemistry! (Because of course Armie Hammer can have great chemistry with anybody) Jane Ginsberg (Cailee Spaeny) is great, even if her story arc is somewhat forgotten about in the second half. She has some terrific scenes early on with RBG. And yes, the court scenes intentionally ramp up the drama to 11. I knew everything that was going to happen long before it did, and yet..... I couldn't help but smile giddily when it actually unfolded. It's like..... listening to "Shake It Off." You know it's not actually a good song, but it's stuck in your head, right now, as you're reading this. And it's making you feel a little bit of raw joy in the process! That's On the Basis of Sex: it's not actually good, but it's still catchy. Justin Theroux makes everything better, even when he's horribly miscast. Sam Waterston is the perfect angry old grandpa, even though that's literally all his character is. This film is the equivalent of "Shake It Off," so if you want to see a horribly predictable, formulaic, yet FUN "For Your Consideration" Oscar drama? Look no further. Even though I STILL don't know why they cast a British actress to play RBG. But, you get it, gurl! You find your voice! 

My Number: 6/10

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Bumlebee

Bumlebee (2018): On the run in the year of 1987, Bumblebee finds refuge in a junkyard in a small Californian beach town. Charlie, on the cusp of turning 18 and trying to find her place in the world, discovers Bumblebee, battle-scarred and broken.

Ok, real talk for a second: why did this film come out at Christmas and go into direct competition with Aquaman? This is a shockingly enjoyable prequel to a franchise which has pumped out nothing but CGI garbage the past few years, but it never stood a chance against the DC Comics behemoth. However, I'm here to say that Bumlebee has a lot of heart. A shocking amount of heart. Its characters are more dynamic, (particularly Hailee Steinfeld's Charlie, even if we're still prone to the occasional Megan Fox-esque objectification of her character) the story is at the forefront with the CGI porn mostly delegated to the final act, and the villains are not just comedic cardboard cutouts. John Cena can act, folks. And he's given a pretty good arc to work with here! It's not great, by any means, but it's still fairly enjoyable to watch unfold with a decent payoff at the end. Which is more than can be said of like the last 3 Transformers movies. The 80s references are fun, even when they're forced in. They are everywhere, so if you wanna jump on the nostalgia train, look no further. And Memo (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.) is a fun sidekick. Even if he has a VERY forced love story with Charlie. AND YO GURL Pamela Adlon is in this! Love seeing her break free of Louis C.K.'s cold, disgusting hands. You go!!!! (I didn't really know where to fit that in, I just knew I needed to give her a shout-out.) Ultimately, this movie would be a very fun film to see when it's 95 degrees out and we're delegated to watching crappy, over-the-top summer blockbusters. But, instead, it's been sadly overlooked among the massive influx of films that release this time of year. Great business move, Paramount.

​My Number: 7/10