Before I Disappear (2014): At the lowest point of his life, Richie gets a call from his estranged sister, asking him to look after his eleven-year old niece, Sophia, for a few hours.
Ok. I’m torn about this movie. On the one hand, it sucks. It’s an indie movie that is way too full of itself and thinks it’s a way bigger deal than it actually is. It is very much a movie that the bro in filmmaking class who thinks he’s the next big thing would make. In this case that bro is Shawn Christensen. Sadly Christensen’s feature-length debut as a director could not have been a whole lot worse than this. Additionally, he wrote and was the lead in this 98 minute flick. Because that's always a good idea. And yet…there is one great storyline between a brother and sister rekindling a long lost friendship that had such a satisfying payoff. It almost made watching the rest of the movie worth it.
So, here’s what the movie does wrong. First off, it isn’t really grounded in anything. This may be the biggest fault of the movie. From completely losing a sense of time throughout the second act to thinking that a bowling alley could be the hottest place in town (there’s a speech the owner of the alley goes on at one point where he proclaims he’s created the hottest place in town that I couldn’t help but laugh at-I mean nothing against bowling alleys they are fun places but the place to go in a city in terms of nightlife it is not) the movie really seems to not have any basis in reality. Not to mention the kid in this movie, who is in the fifth grade and being raised by a 16-and-pregnant single mom is not believable in the slightest. In fact it is pretty unbelievable honestly. As awesome as the actress playing the kid was, Fatima Ptacek, who I also really look forward to what she has to offer next, I didn’t even remotely buy that her character would exist. And when she plays such a pivotal role in the main storyline…well, as someone might say…
Hm what else….the cinematography was TERRIBLE. There were all these uncomfortable close-ups of character’s faces with a lot of unnecessary hand-cam pans. It really felt like what a bro would shoot for his college thesis or something. It was quite painful and rudimentary. At least the production value was decent. Not good. Just decent. There was some detail put into the clubs and such to make them look gritty and somewhat real, (which counteracted a lot of other things that weren’t real) but then there were a lot of very generic choices done for the characters. Particularly from a costume standpoint. Oh can I also bring up the fact that Ron Perlman is in this? The same guy that was the ridiculously badass mafia boss in Pacific Rim with that awesome outfit and those kickass boots and everything? Ya I wish that he could’ve worn that costume here…
There really was only one thing this movie got right. The awesome payoff between the brother and sister. Were it not for this, this movie would be like a 2 on my scale. But it exists, and it made the third act pretty awesome, in my opinion. However many will likely be so done with the movie by then that they won’t care about this payoff. Can’t say I would blame you.
The Critique: Hi I’m meathead Rob Lowe, and I watched this movie. I saw it to support my college bro Shawn Christensen. It is a masterpiece of filmmaking, bro. You should go see it. Bro. (Translation: a pretty crappy directorial debut for Shawn Christensen. While there is a nice brother-sister payoff, it is nowhere near enough to save the rest of this below average movie.)
The Recommendation: Meathead Rob Lowe: Oh my God bro if you don’t go see this movie I’ll stop lifting weights while staring at myself in the mirror! You wouldn’t want that would you? Bro? (Translation: Don’t bother, unless if you want to have some bonding with your brother/sister that involves a lot of drinking through the first two acts then a nice awwwwww moment at the end)
Rewatchability: Meathead Rob Lowe: Wait what does this even mean? I don’t know I’m gonna go back to lifting weights, bro. (Translation: Low)
The Verdict: Meathead Rob Lowe: 17/10 (What the hell is that? I don’t even know what this means! Translation: 4/10 Below Average)
http://apnatimepass.com/fatima-ptacek-in-before-i-disappear-movie/fatima-ptacek-in-before-i-disappear-movie-8.jpg (Before I Disappear)
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/27/272b82c92c10ec2d9bde7406edb3077811b29ef205a7c5432a51f77c0665f840.jpg (Bold Strategy)
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B6dptWrCYAAmwMZ.jpg:large (Meathead Rob Lowe)
http://img.pandawhale.com/91149-Hannibal-Chau-Pacific-Rim-gif-WOeQ.gif (Ron Perlman Gif)
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