Yesterday (2019): A struggling musician realizes he's the only person on Earth who can remember The Beatles after waking up in an alternate timeline where they never existed.

​I don't get what this film is trying to say. Is it trying to say that even if we have everything, we still need somebody to love? Is it trying to say we could, as a species, survive in a world without The Beatles? That a single man can still capture the imagination of millions, billions, even, in today's time of wild diversity, as The Beatles once did? Beats me, because I have NO idea. The latest from one of Hollywood's great modern directors, Danny Boyle, Yesterday is an utterly lifeless and lazy film that poorly executes one (admittedly clever) idea: what if no one knew about The Beatles, save one singer-songwriter? It's forgettable, lacking anything resembling a soul, and feels like it exists solely to capitalize on the fact that The Beatles are, well, the single most popular band in the history of contemporary music. It does have some good acting (better than what the next film in these quick reviews has in it, for sure) from Himesh Patel and Lily James, and Ed Sheeran is surprisingly charming, but, outside of hearing Himesh Patel do some covers of classic Beatles songs..... I truly don't know what this film is trying to do. What exactly is it.... doing here? Beats me. I saw it 5 days ago and, even though I had a decent time, I've already forgotten most of it. Maybe that's what this film is for: let's tap into the nostalgia of The Beatles while delivering a pleasantly forgettable experience. Ya, that sounds about right.

Now I'm in the mood to listen to "Hey Jude" again....

My Number: 5/10

The Lion King (2019): After the murder of his father, a young lion prince flees his kingdom only to learn the true meaning of responsibility and bravery.

This movie..... it's not good. Whether it be the completely emotion-less lions, or the decrepit modern arrangements of the iconic score, or the (at points) straight-up bad voice acting..... there's really not much here that kept me from walking out of Jon Favreau's interpretation of The Lion King. Ok. "Interpretation" is used very loosely. This film is essentially a shot-for-shot live-action remake of the iconic 1994 Disney animated film of the same name. It lands with a ton of fanfare, and it's making a ton of money, but is this really what we expect from our films now?  Is this really going to be the bar? Were it not for the wonderful chemistry of Timon and Pumbaa, (Billy Eichner and Seth Rogen) and the occasional funny quip between the hyenas Kamari and Azizi, (Keegan-Michael Key and Eric André) there would be absolutely nothing here of note to differentiate this film from its 1994 vastly superior original. Yes, nostalgia is great. Yes, it's wonderful to hear an iconic song like "Hakuna Matata" on a big screen once again. But why do we have to see it on an abomination of an excuse of a CGI generated lion? I legitimately don't understand! I've been following a decent amount of this Disney live-action remakes of their classic IPs, and this one is by far the worst of all of them. At least with films like Dumbo and Aladdin, we got some creative liberties taken with the story. We got some updates to be more in tune with the current era. Here, we got absolutely NOTHING. It is a straight tit-for-tat remake of its counterpart, which makes all the issues with these corporate-mandated live-action remakes that much more glaring. End of the day.... there are a few shots of Timon that are really pretty. And that's about it. What an absolute trainwreck. 

My Number: 2/10

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019): A group of teens face their fears in order to save their lives.

So you'd think Guillermo del Toro's name being attached to a project would immediately make it great. Or exciting. Or interesting. However, this film has very little of any of that. While it is pretty creative with a lot of diverse and interesting (and Guillermo-esque) monsters, the execution left a lot to be desired. The film falls into a lot of standard horror tropes, with a set of rather bland and uninteresting characters to go along with it. There's just not a whole lot else going on in this film. This film is like oatmeal. Good for you, you can add a few berries to make it taste a bit better, but it's still oatmeal. Maybe I hold horror films up to a higher standard than most because it's my favorite genre, (this film is certainly better than the 9th installment to The Conjuring franchise) but I really need to feel connected to the characters to appreciate a horror film. To feel invested in the outlandish events happening on screen. When you have bland characters, even an interesting premise and unique monsters fall by the wayside.

My Number: 5/10

The Peanut Butter Falcon (2019): Zak runs away from his care home to make his dream of becoming a wrestler come true.

This film is a story of two halves. The first half is a messy, unsophisticated, and at times mean-spirited affair, while the second half is a completely engaging and invigorating roadtrip tale. Fortunately the second half is much longer than the first, as the point between the two halves is when Tyler (Shia LaBeouf) and Zak (Zack Gottsagen) finally meet. The first half is defined by how the film treats its lead character, Zak. He is uncomfortably demeaned and devalued through several perplexing decisions made, turning his down syndrome into something of a slapstick joke. While it's not super overt in its mistreatment of Zak, it wasn't lost on me or my friend watching the film with me. (Who used to work for an organization dedicated to helping people with developmental disabilities integrate themselves into the community, so I definitely place significant value in her opinion on this.) However! Once Tyler and Zak meet, the film's tone changes almost instantly. Tyler's treatment of Zak was nothing short of phenomenal. His response when Zak told him he has down syndrome, responding with, "I don't care. Keep up or I'll leave you behind." Is exactly how I want Hollywood to treat touchy subjects! (Not by having Joe Russo make a shameless cameo to deliver Marvel's first openly gay character….) Tyler's wonderful treatment of Zak shows up later when Eleanor (Dakota Johnson) enters the film, calling her out for treating Zak like someone who's different, even if she's not overtly saying it. It's so good! The story itself is interesting, despite being somewhat ordinary. The victim of this stereotypical story is Eleanor. She has a very forced love story with Tyler, despite having almost nothing in common. Overall a fairly cookie cutter story, but given its subject matter, it's propelled to at least memorable status. Combined with a dominating performance from Shia LaBeouf, and you have a good film.

My Number: 7/10

Official Secrets (2019): The true story of a British whistleblower who leaked information to the press about an illegal NSA spy operation designed to push the UN Security Council into sanctioning the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

I had the chance to see this film in my favorite place on earth: the Landmark in Hollywood. Not only that, but a Q&A with director Gavin Hood followed the screening. I preface this review with these tidbits to say the allure of seeing a film at the Landmark with a Q&A often makes me appreciate the film more than I would otherwise. So, had I seen this film in Cincinnati at the Esquire, I may have disliked it even more than I ultimately did in this screening. Official Secrets is all over the place. The film is comprised of multiple stories thrown together and struggles with coherency and consistency at several points. The editing is….. rough. Either uneventful or distracting and overbearing. I just couldn't get behind it when the story is as unbecoming as it is. Ya, the further away from this film I get, the more frustrated I am. It had the opportunity to be so much more than a stereotypical spy thriller, given its incredible source material, but ultimately that's all it is. There's really not much else to say. Official Secrets goes through its story in a very lazy way, essentially going through the motions in an unabashedly dramatic story. Kiera Knightly is her usually wonderful self, but it takes a lot more than a solid Kiera to make a film good, and since this film is missing everything else….. woof. Hard pass.

My Number: 4/10

The Farewell (2019): A Chinese family discovers their grandmother has only a short while left to live and decide to keep her in the dark, scheduling a wedding to gather before she dies.

Yes! I finally had the chance to see this film! A titanic collaboration between Lulu Wang and Awkwafina, The Farewell takes a concept completely foreign to The West and puts it squarely in The West's sites in a completely dramatic and captivating way. This film is led by its unassuming yet poignant general, Awkwafina, quietly putting in yet another iconic performance in the lead role. We do not deserve to breathe the same air as Awkwafina. She makes this very Eastern premise fascinating to watch, and her character arc is completely earned as a result. While Lulu Wang's direction is a bit distracting at points, the very human story is still utterly fascinating to watch, propped up by the undeniable presence that is Awkwafina. Strong recommend.

My Number: 8/10

Ad Astra (2019): Astronaut Roy McBride undertakes a mission across an unforgiving solar system to uncover the truth about his missing father and his doomed expedition that now, 30 years later, threatens the universe.

So I had been looking forward to this film. A family drama in the vast unknown of outer space? Traveling through our solar system? With a Tommy Lee Jones / Brad Pitt father / son duo? I can't sign that paper fast enough. Unfortunately, everyone else making this film had the same thought. And we're given an incredibly self-aware, self-indulgent film that thinks it's the most important thing to release since 2001: A Space Odyssey. Now, I should note: overly self-aware does not equal bad. Far from it: there are some wonderfully interesting themes in this film that are investigated, and the third act is quite tense. But, I could never shake the thought that I was watching an "important" film. An "insightful" and "impactful" piece of cinema that will "change how you approach your life." Truly great works of cinema never draw attention to their greatness. In fact, that's about the last thing a great film does. But, that doesn't mean this film is bad! It is absolutely spectacular to watch, thanks to the great cinematographer Hoyte Van Hoytema taking a break from Christopher Nolan and shooting his unofficial sequel to Interstellar. I could've watched this film with earplugs in and still had a great time. It is a spectacular visual experience. And Brad Pitt is great! I think I liked him a bit more here than I did in Once Upon a Time.... In Hollywood. Between the two films, an Oscar nomination is likely in his future for one of them.  But, when you're not admiring its visual glory, you're thinking about its overall pretentious tone, which certainly holds this film back from the greatness it could have been.

My Number: 6/10