 KILLER SHARKS ARE KILLER DUDEThe Shallows (2016): A mere 200 yards from shore, surfer Nancy is attacked by a great white shark, with her short journey to safety becoming the ultimate contest of wills. Ok. I'm gonna see how fast I can write this review because I just want to word vomit for a bit. Have you seen Sharknado? I have. It falls into the "so bad it's good" category. Well, The Shallows falls into that category too. But, despite it's total and utter RIDICULOUSNESS, I had a blast watching this short film. I was honestly yelling at the screen as some crazy things happened on the screen in front of me. But, at the end of the day, I think my biggest takeaway from this film is that there is a dead shark out there that had a seriously love interest in Blake Lively. Seriously. If you had some different music underneath this film you would think something VERY different than what we saw here Because this shark just refused to leave Blake Lively alone. I mean c'mon shark! There are other fish in the sea!. Ok I'm not gonna lie: that line is the main reason I wanted to write this review. I just had that thought about how this shark is in love with Blake Lively throughout this film and realized nobody is talking about that. Seriously. What the f is this. Oh. Right. I should probably talk a bit about this film. Ok. So Blake Lively is asked to hold her own in this film, and she does. She's not particularly great, but the film does ask quite a bit of her. (Takes a sip of beer) The real star though, (beside's the shark's love affair) is the bird. There's a bird in this film, and he is totally rad. Oh. Look at me using surfer terms. I know....there's so much content in this review, right? Let's see.....what else.....oh! Yes. The editing. There's actually some good editing here. This helps the film not seem as cheap as a film like Sharknado. Now of course no one is going to remember this film come Oscar season, and believe me they should not, but the editing went a long way to help make this film seem more.....professional, and not something that you would see WHY IS NOBODY ACKNOWLEDGING WHEN SOMEONE IS SINGING IN A MUSICAL-oh sorry got off topic. That's not something you would see in a film that airs on Syfy. The editing, that is. However, it's important to remember that this movie, like Sharknado, is totally and utterly ridiculous. But you know what? I respect that. I can respect a film that knows it's ridiculous and embraces this fact. It's a thin line, for sure, but this film like, (you guessed it) Sharknado definitely rides that line. But, there's really not much else to talk about. Remember I mostly wrote this review for that lame joke about the shark in this film being hopelessly in love with Blake Lively and is just struggling to express himself. I mean if you watch this film with that mindset it is a very different experience. At the end of the day, I think this film is a perfect Friday night candidate to watch with your friends after a couple of drinks. You'll have just as much fun watching it as you did Sharknado. Surely this film will find itself on Netflix in a few months like its shark brethren and when it does.....you know what to do. The Critique: A ridiculous film that thankfully owns it, The Shallows is the definition of a film that is so bad it's good. The Recommendation: A perfect candidate to load up on Netflix with your friends after you've had a couple of drinks in a few months. Rewatchability: Lol The Verdict: A very high 3/10 Bad. Boom. Done. 15 minutes later. I ainnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn't havin' that. Image Credit http://cdn3-www.craveonline.com/assets/uploads/2016/06/The-Shallows-Blake-Lively-Shark.jpg http://www.southernfriedscience.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/funny-shark-memes.png (shark meme)  Awwwwwwww thanks man
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 I had to talk about this movieCentral Intelligence (2016): After he reconnects with an awkward pal from high school through Facebook, a mild-mannered accountant is lured into the world of international espionage. So initially I wasn't going to review this film-after all it came out way back in June. But I saw it the other day, and given how lackluster this summer was, I couldn't help but talk about it briefly. Central Intelligence is a movie that, on paper, should not work. After all, this film's central premise is that The Rock is actually awkward and not necessarily ridiculously charming and charismatic. Well, it works. It actually works. And as great as Kevin Hart is in this film, it's all held together by The Rock. Yes, the reason why you should watch this film is for Dwayne Johnson. The man has carved out a nice little niche in Hollywood, and I am so glad that this is the case. He pulls off this crazy character so well, and had me smiling from start to finish. Not to be outdone, though, is his partner-in-crime Kevin Hart. Hart has had a string of not-so-good films, but that string seems like ancient history here in Central Intelligence. And I cannot deny that I love the chemistry these two have. I really hope Hollywood spots the talent they have here and brings these two together again for future films. The supporting cast is pretty minor but still stellar, with the two female leads killing it in their minor roles. Amy Ryan is AMAZING as the mysterious CIA agent. She was funny while simultaneously keeping me actually somewhat in the dark as to which side she was really on. Danielle Nicolet was great as well though sadly her role can be summed up as "the girlfriend." Also there is an appearance from one very familiar actor that had laughing very hard at several points, but I'll leave that for you to discover. Not gonna lie: this certain cameo was arguably the best moment of the film. Story-wise this film hit its mark for a comedy. There were a few twists and turns I did not see coming, but there were also a lot of holes all throughout. But. The most important part of any comedy is is it funny? The answer here is yes. The only film I've laughed more at this year was Ghostbusters, and that's high praise. Well, and Batman V. Superman. OH! This movie is hilarious from start to finish, but you can definitely say that it's funny more because of the acting than the story. There was one visual joke too! Edgar Wright would be proud. I'm on fire! At the end of the day, if you're looking for an underrated comedy from this summer, look no further than Central Intelligence. It's also pretty short, coming in at 107 minutes, and it's certainly not a terrible way to spend an evening. That's it. That's all I got. Why are you still reading this? Are you expecting me to say something meaningful? Well.....here goes....................Harambe. The Critique: A massively underrated comedy to come out this summer, Central Intelligence is held together by two hilarious performances from Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart. The Recommendation: If you're a fan of comedies, Kevin Hart, or The Rock....then why are you still reading this? Rewatchability: Moderately High The Verdict: 7/10 Good. For Harambe. Image Credit https://static01.nyt.com/images/2016/06/17/arts/17CENTRAL/17CENTRAL-master768.jpg http://ci.memecdn.com/135/6010135.jpg  |
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All
Date Reviewed
March 2019
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