Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014): More explosions. More Michael Bay. All you really need to know.
Whatever. This movie sucks. Like the rest of them. But you're going to go see it no matter what I say. All the faults of the previous movies are very present here, and some, like the stupid theme of warning us of the potential risks in abusing technology, (aka the humans trying to stop the Autobots and use them for their own gain) are magnified. It's just a shame that the character who plays the human who tries to abuse the power of the Transformers has gotten more and more recognizable with each installment. And yet Stanley Tucci and Kelsey Grammer don't do any better than any of their predecessors because the premise is ridiculous and unbelievable. God why are all these good names now attached to such a shitty movie? Mark Wahlberg, Tucci, Grammer, (Frasier, by the way, in case you don't realize who this is this guy is a TV legend) and Titus Welliver should all be above this but they aren't. It's cash-grabbing, yes, but it's like cash-grabbing in an Adam Sandler movie. You feel like it's more damning to these actors because of the fact that they know exactly what they're signing on for. None of these guys do anything more than provide their name to the movie, though Wahlberg does occasionally show off some chops. Oh, right! The voices. So while Hugo Weaving does not return in this one as Megatron, the movie spared no expense with the voices to the new Autobot crew. Ken Watanabe and John Goodman (what???) show up as two of the four Autobots plus Optimus. GOD THESE NAMES SHOULD NOT BE INVOLVED WITH THIS MOVIE.
Ok to Bay's credit he did at least try to improve on the complaint that you can't keep track of all the Autobots and Decepticons by only having five Autobots. That's a plus right? And there's really only two bad guys the rest are very clearly unimportant henchmen. That's a plus. That might be it. There's no mention of any of the human characters of the first three movies. Just one single line to even acknowledge their existence is all we get. I was disappointed by this. And as for the action? Some of the scenes were crisp and clear to see, but as usual in the big final battle you had no idea where anyone was in correlation to anything else and it completely took away any and all tension. Just stupidity built on top of more stupidity slammed together with.....you guessed it! Stupidity. And yet still everyone in the world is going to see it, and there will be another one, and everyone in the world will see that one too, and then the cycle will continue. Probably for as long as they can make money on it. Which pisses me off but whatever! I don't even want to do my normal ending spiel here. Go see it, because I know you will, and just try to get some enjoyment out of it. Just try. I will be right here continuing my crusade against this series. F*ck it. 3/10 Still pretty bad. Yup. That's my review for Transformers 4.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011): Why does this series continue to exist? This time we got a sexy new girl and we get to watch the destruction of Chicago. With a bunch of Decepticons that we once again do not understand with motivations that make no sense. But EXPLOSIONS.
Is it sad when you say that a movie sucks but it's without a doubt the best in a trilogy? Like, this movie is pretty bad. But it is without a doubt the best movie of the series thus far. That's sad! Really sad. Why is it better than the other two? In my opinion, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who is the definition of eye candy in this, is a vastly better actor than Megan Fox ever was. That isn't as much a compliment to Rosie as it is an insult to Megan Fox. Because she was terrible. Rosie just plays a generic damsel and ultimately damsel-in-distress, but she does it better than Fox could ever dream of. Um....the fight scenes are not as chaotic as they have been in the past. You still have no idea where everything is in relation to everything else but at least the shaky cam is removed somewhat. And uh.....ya. That's about it. But I will say the removal of some of the confusion of the action sequences does make them a lot more enjoyable. Michael Bay finally got that memo. So this movie does somewhat succeed in being a popcorn flick, something which its predecessors did not do.
However there is still a lot of things wrong with this movie. First off, for some reason, Michael Bay does not seem to take a hint that these movies are TOO DAMN LONG. This one is 154 minutes. Over TWO AND A HALF HOURS. Are you SERIOUS? Ya cause Revenge of the Fallen wasn't already long enough. Next up, I feel like in every Transformers movie someone has to play the human being trying to shut down the Autobots for some stupid reason or another. Rather than realizing that Sector 7 in the first and Galloway in the second was a bad idea, Bay goes ahead and has two different plot lines of humans trying to screw everything up! Both of which are stupid but are made even worse by the fact that Patrick Dempsey plays one and Frances McDormand plays the other. Neither of which could be bothered to, you know, act, in this movie, so their plot lines make no sense and are really stupid. Next up, just the overall fact that Leonard Nimoy is in this makes me sad. Not only that, but he actually does try here. He actually tries! His character could've been a somewhat interesting investigation into Autobot motivations and such, but no. No it is not. Just more generic plot lines. Oh well. This movie actually shows potential. But then it fails. Like the rest of this trilogy. And yet it still has made a kajillion dollars. Because explosions.
There really isn't much else to say about this movie. It is terrible. I don't want to think about it anymore. Ok? Ok. Bye.
The Critique: TRANSFORMERS! ROBOTS IN DISGUISE. Wait was I supposed to say something about the movie here? Oh. Oops.
The Recommendation: I mean.....you've already seen it.
Rewatchability: Moderately Low
The Verdict: 3/10 Bad
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