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1/26/2019

Quick Reviews: Bird Box, Crazy Rich Asians, Destroyer, On the Basis of Sex, Bumblebee

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Bird Box

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Bird Box (2018): Five years after an ominous unseen presence drives most of society to suicide, a mother and her two children make a desperate bid to reach safety.

Bird Box is Netflix's latest (and most successful, according to their own proprietary metrics) original film starring Sandra Bullock and Trevante Rhodes. While it has inspired a mini-cultural phenomenon, I'm a little confused as to why, because..... this film leaves a lot to be desired. Director Susanne Bier follows up the disastrous Serena (remember when that Jennifer Lawrence / Bradley Cooper film was a thing?) with an ineptly paced, poorly written post-apocalypse film that breaks its own rules as much as it attempts to establish them. The film tells two stories concurrently with the same characters: one takes place immediately after "the event," and the other takes place several years later. However, because both stories involve the same characters, you never feel any tension in the early storyline. You know exactly what's going to happen with them as soon as you realize the story is non-linear. (Which happens immediately as the first cut to "the event" storyline just haaaaaas to tell you as much.) With that sense of tension removed, "the event" storyline has very little going for it outside of pairing some iconic actors and actresses together. (Even if John Malkovich is merely playing himself.) Susanne Brier REALLY wants you to feel the tension, though, as scenes linger entirely too long and not nearly enough time is spent establishing the relationship of Malorie (Bullock) and Tom. (Rhodes) Basically, this film is one interesting gimmick (not being able to see outside) with a flimsy story and mediocre acting surrounding it. I guess the gimmick is enough to make it as culturally relevant as it currently is?

My Number: 4/10

Crazy Rich Asians

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Crazy Rich Asians (2018): This contemporary romantic comedy, based on a global bestseller, follows native New Yorker Rachel Chu to Singapore to meet her boyfriend's family.

It's kind of fitting for me to go from one culturally relevant film that is mediocre at best to this, because, unlike Bird Box, this culturally relevant film is SO FREAKING GOOD. You're DAMN RIGHT I love Crazy Rich Asians! The first film starring an all Asian cast in over 20 years, Crazy Rich Asians lives its name to the fullest with a totally unapologetic and over-the-top romcom. Yes, it is a mess from a story perspective, but who cares when the production design is AMAZING. These Asians are not just rich, they're CRAZY rich, (you see what I did there? It's ok, I'll escort myself out now) and the production design does a phenomenal job reminding you of it basically every second. These sets are utterly ridiculous, and I love it. You better believe I'm gonna be sad if there isn't an Oscar nomination for production design in this film's future. (Siiiiiiigh) Outside of its ridiculously amazing sets, the film has one of the best hunks of a lead I've ever seen. Yes, I have a total man-crush on the obnoxiously charming and charismatic Nick Young, played by Henry Golding. His relationship with Rachel Chu (Constance Wu) was excellent, particularly in the scenes where Golding was shirtless. (Did I say that?) Also, FREAKING AWKWAFINA. She is SO good as Chu's college roommate Peik Lin Goh! Sure, she's basically playing herself, but herself is perfect for this role. (Unlike John Malkovich in Bird Box, who's version of himself is just annoying and unlikable.) The best performance, though, belongs to Eleanor Young. (Michelle Yeoh) The iconic Chinese actress holds nothing back portraying Nick Young's mother, and her intimidating presence is felt even when she's not on screen. Like I said, the story is a bit messy and is perfectly predictable, but I could not be more fine with that. Nothing will take away the sheer fun this movie is, and is as good a romcom as any that came out in 2018.

My Number: 8/10

Destroyer

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Destroyer (2018): A police detective reconnects with people from an undercover assignment in her distant past in order to make peace.

So it's rather fitting that I just posted my review of Vice as I get to writing this, because you wanna talk about quantifiable acting.... see exhibit A from Nicole Kidman. One of the best actresses in the business today strips away all the glamour and gets way down in the dirt for this nitty, gritty, modern take on a noir film. Unfortunately, that's about all this film has going for it. Despite Kidman's terrific performance, (one which should be at least recognized by the Academy in a very crowded year for Best Actress. Awwww) this film suffers from a script almost as incoherent as Vice. This time, the faults lie in the dialogue, which is painfully awkward at points, and in its villain, who is anything but menacing. Sorry, Toby Kebbell, but you need great dialogue to be a menacing figure, and there's very little of that to be found around here. But, when the film does stumble onto some great dialogue, it leads to some frustratingly terrific moments. Frustrating because they show you what could-have-been. There's one sequence in particular with detective Erin Bell (Kidman) and her daughter, Shelby, (Jade Pettyjohn) where I found myself hanging on every word spoken from the detective. (It's the scene in the diner from the trailer. They knew it was a great scene.) Course, director Karyn Kusama also recognized this moment as the tentpole of Kidman's performance, as almost the entire 3-4 minute sequence is focused solely on her face. And this is undoubtedly the reason the entire film exists. It gives one of the upper A-listers in Hollywood a chance to show off her wildly dynamic acting talents in a role she wouldn't usually find herself in, and from that perspective, it's great. Because show them off, she does. With some terrific makeup to boot. But there's really nothing else here to keep you invested. Oh, and the ending sucks. Doesn't help things, either. This seems like it's a film destined for Netflix. If you're a fan of quantifiable acting or Nicole Kidman, it's well worth the watch once it's there. Everyone else? Your time is better spent elsewhere.

My Number: 4.5/10

On the Basis of Sex

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On the Basis of Sex (2018): The story of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, her struggles for equal rights, and what she had to overcome in order to become a U.S. Supreme Court Justice.

​I think I'm a sucker for courtroom dramas. because this movie is a little messy and is SUPER formulaic, but I still had a pretty good time with it nonetheless. The sets are generic, the story has "important Oscar film" written all over it, and yet..... when RBG (Felicity Jones) finds her voice I'm still shook, guys! Martin Ginsberg (Armie Hammer) is so charming and charismatic! And he and Ruth have terrific chemistry! (Because of course Armie Hammer can have great chemistry with anybody) Jane Ginsberg (Cailee Spaeny) is great, even if her story arc is somewhat forgotten about in the second half. She has some terrific scenes early on with RBG. And yes, the court scenes intentionally ramp up the drama to 11. I knew everything that was going to happen long before it did, and yet..... I couldn't help but smile giddily when it actually unfolded. It's like..... listening to "Shake It Off." You know it's not actually a good song, but it's stuck in your head, right now, as you're reading this. And it's making you feel a little bit of raw joy in the process! That's On the Basis of Sex: it's not actually good, but it's still catchy. Justin Theroux makes everything better, even when he's horribly miscast. Sam Waterston is the perfect angry old grandpa, even though that's literally all his character is. This film is the equivalent of "Shake It Off," so if you want to see a horribly predictable, formulaic, yet FUN "For Your Consideration" Oscar drama? Look no further. Even though I STILL don't know why they cast a British actress to play RBG. But, you get it, gurl! You find your voice! 

My Number: 6/10

Bumlebee

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Bumlebee (2018): On the run in the year of 1987, Bumblebee finds refuge in a junkyard in a small Californian beach town. Charlie, on the cusp of turning 18 and trying to find her place in the world, discovers Bumblebee, battle-scarred and broken.

Ok, real talk for a second: why did this film come out at Christmas and go into direct competition with Aquaman? This is a shockingly enjoyable prequel to a franchise which has pumped out nothing but CGI garbage the past few years, but it never stood a chance against the DC Comics behemoth. However, I'm here to say that Bumlebee has a lot of heart. A shocking amount of heart. Its characters are more dynamic, (particularly Hailee Steinfeld's Charlie, even if we're still prone to the occasional Megan Fox-esque objectification of her character) the story is at the forefront with the CGI porn mostly delegated to the final act, and the villains are not just comedic cardboard cutouts. John Cena can act, folks. And he's given a pretty good arc to work with here! It's not great, by any means, but it's still fairly enjoyable to watch unfold with a decent payoff at the end. Which is more than can be said of like the last 3 Transformers movies. The 80s references are fun, even when they're forced in. They are everywhere, so if you wanna jump on the nostalgia train, look no further. And Memo (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.) is a fun sidekick. Even if he has a VERY forced love story with Charlie. AND YO GURL Pamela Adlon is in this! Love seeing her break free of Louis C.K.'s cold, disgusting hands. You go!!!! (I didn't really know where to fit that in, I just knew I needed to give her a shout-out.) Ultimately, this movie would be a very fun film to see when it's 95 degrees out and we're delegated to watching crappy, over-the-top summer blockbusters. But, instead, it's been sadly overlooked among the massive influx of films that release this time of year. Great business move, Paramount.

​My Number: 7/10

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1/21/2019

Movie Review: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

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Boldly original with captivating storytelling

By: Peter Kosanovich

​Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018): Teen Miles Morales becomes Spider-Man of his reality, crossing his path with five counterparts from other dimensions to stop a threat for all realities.

​Let me start right off the bat by saying that Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is the best Spider-Man movie that has ever been made to this point. And it rightfully deserves all of the accolades and attention it is getting! Sony took a huge risk even greenlighting this movie. They had Sam Raimi’s trilogy with Tobey Maguire, which gave two strong films, and then a catastrophic dud. I will admit, I enjoy those first two movies more than most people. But regardless of your opinions on them, they are well made. Sony followed those up with Andrew Garfield’s The Amazing Spider-Man movies. I thought the first movie was fine, but very unoriginal and uninspired. They just tried to make Peter Parker too cool and "edgy." The second movie was a mess from start to finish, so I will not even address it any further.

Sony was able to negotiate a partnership with Marvel Studios to breathe some new life into the character with Spider-Man: Homecoming. Tom Holland is incredibly charming as Peter Parker, and the audience was not forced to suffer through yet another origin story. Not to mention, the MCU finally sawa good villain in Michael Keaton’s portrayal of the Vulture. All-in-all, it was a solid outing, and well worse the praise. But that still pales in comparison to Spider-Verse.

Sony worked on Spider-Verse in relative secret. While everyone else was focused on Homecoming and the Marvel partnership, Sony was working on this. And wow did it pay off. In December 2017, they released a teaser trailer to show off the new Spider-Man, Miles Morales, and the insane animation they were attempting. I will never forget watching that teaser the first time. I was flying home for a wedding and Christmas from Canada, and I was in a painfully long layover in the Detroit Airport. I opened Facebook minutes after the teaser dropped and promptly had my mind blown! The visuals were stunning; the music, “Home” by Vince Staples (Vince was also featured in the first teaser for Black Panther the previous year), was on point; and the decision to use Miles Morales as the lead character had me practically yelling in joy in the middle of the Detroit airport.

****SPOILER PARAGRAPH****

For those of you who do not know Miles Morales, let me give you a quick rundown. In the 2000s Marvel comics decided to spice up their comics by introducing the Ultimate Universe, an alternate universe of Marvel characters that existed outside of the traditional continuity. In this alternate universe they introduced Miles Morales, a 13-year-old Afro-Latino boy from Brooklyn, who, having also been bitten by a radioactive spider, takes up the mantel of Spider-Man after the death of Peter Parker. If you are worried about spoilers for the comics, you are about 10 years too late, but I will do my best to avoid them going forward.
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So, now into the actual review portion: From the trailers and various promotional material you may have noticed multiple Spider-persons. This may be overwhelming, but trust me, this is Miles’ story through-and-through. And even though I bashed on origin stories earlier, this includes a fresh take on the origin story. So you will not feel lost if you are new, but you will get some goods laughs if you understand all the references to other Spider-Man movies and history. On that note, the movie is hilarious! There are laughs to be had at every turn. Jokes about Spider-Man, about New York City, about Marvel and the Avengers, about rival studio Warner Bros (Spider-Ham is very self-aware of his likeness to Porky Pig). They even manage to make puberty a running joke throughout the film, without being malicious toward an age group that clearly needs no one throwing punches at them. It is incredibly smart and clever. But, like the puberty joke, none of the humor is malicious or mean in any way. It is charming and endearing, sweet and wholesome, and easily relatable across demographics.

With that, the movie is highly relatable! Sure, it is about superheroes and super-powered Spider-people, but it genuinely has heart to it. Miles has loving parents who want the best for him, even if he does not always see it. His family is complex and messy: his dad is a cop, while his uncle Aaron is a career criminal. Yet both care deeply for Miles. He has friends and struggles to fit in at his new school, a place that is clearly designed to be a little classist. He is one of the very few non-white students there, along with his roommate, an Asian student who barely says a word at all. He struggles to talk with his crush, it is very sweet. As fantastical and complex as the movie is bringing multiple Spider-people from multiple universes together, you can still feel genuine heart and down-to-earth struggles that make this a highly relatable film.

Yes, it is very complex, but Spider-Verse takes care to make sure it does not feel overly complex. When it does get more complex, or you wonder “wait, ANOTHER Spider-person?” they make a joke to help guide the audience along. Each Spider-person gets an individual origin story, but they are mostly boiled down to a minute or less, just so you know, “Okay, it’s a Spider-person. They are similar to Peter Parker, but here is how they are different.”

There is of course Miles Morales, the lead protagonist. There is Peter Parker, dragged in from another universe. There is Gwen Stacy, aka Spider-Woman (Spider-Gwen to the fans). In mainstream comics Gwen Stacy was Peter Parker’s first love, and he was unable to save her from a tragic death. In her alternate universe, she was bitten by a spider, and was unable to save Peter Parker from a tragic death. There is Peni Parker (aka SP//dr), a futuristic, anime-inspired spider-person who co-pilots a biomechanical suit with a radioactive spider. There is Peter Porker (aka Spider-Ham), who was a spider bitten by a radioactive pig (very self-aware), and is designed to look like Looney Tunes cartoons. And finally there is Peter Parker (aka Spider-Man Noir), with the truly inspired voice-casting of Nicolas Cage, in a monochromatic, hard-boiled, noir-esque Spider-Man that wears a trench coat and fedora like old detective films.

What's remarkable is that, even though the standard animation throughout the film is incredible, each of these individual Spider-people have added unique visuals to help truly distinguish them, bringing added individuality and flare to them. Peni Parker is inspired by anime, so her character is Japanese-American and has large, slightly exaggerated features common to anime. For instance, her eyes are massive and tend to twinkle when she is happy or swell up when she is sad. Her movements are also slightly exaggerated to sell the over-the-top nature of some anime series. Peter Porker has a flatter style of animation. He looks almost hand-drawn, and his movements are very rounded and fluid. His arms and legs tend to move simply in motion blurs, much like Looney Tunes characters, especially Roadrunner, when he runs or moves about. His shape is also imperfect, and had odd proportions that help sell the Looney Tunes connection. And Spider-Man Noir is completely monochromatic, black-and-white, even when interacting with color objects. 

The colors throughout this movie are astounding. They really use colors to compliment and highlight every aspect of the city. This is shown especially through Miles’ love to graffiti and street art. And Miles’ love of pop-culture is shown through his love of music, which is mirrored in the film’s soundtrack. Like Black Panther earlier in the year, Spider-Verse has a killer soundtrack. It is a love-letter to east coast rap/hip-hop, new and old. This bleeds into Miles’ character too, who uses music to relax and inspire him. The song “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is Miles’ go to relax and feel good song, and it is used a few times throughout the film. “What’s Up Danger” by Blackway and Black Caviar is a thumping, adrenaline-pumping track that builds hype and excitement every time it is used or sampled. And “Star a Riot” by Duckwrth and Shaboozey should be the most hard-hitting rager on the soundtrack, but is instead used for a hilarious joke.

Not only is the curated soundtrack excellent, the original score is also astounding. The orchestration feels both inspiring and reminiscent of traditional scores, but also infuses the feel of the curated soundtrack at points. It uses bits of “What’s Up Danger” throughout to build hype, while using “Sunflower” to relax and let us remember the kind of kid Miles is. The best track on the score though is “The Prowler,” the theme that plays for one of the primary villains of the film. Prowler is a truly intimidating villain, as you learn early on, and the theme that accompanies him is impressively unsettling. From my understanding the composer took an elephants calls, re-pitched it, then made it pulse. Honestly, words do not accurately describe it. Just listen to it.

But, behind all that, like I have mentioned a few times, this movie has so much heart to it. You feel the love for Spider-Man, whichever version you want. You feel Miles’ struggles and the love his family gives him. You feel the excitement in the music. And you can see the dedication the animators put into this, and how much fun they had. The story shines in every respect, and you just feel so good after watching it. This was easily one of, if not my favorite movie of the year. I have been struggling to keep up this year (grad school), but even if I were more caught up I think this might take the cake. It feels even throughout, well-paced, and the story never goes off the rails. The voice-acting is excellent. I have already gushed over the beautiful animation and the characters and the music. There really is nothing I do not like about this movie. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

My Number: 10/10

JOSEPH: There isn't a whole lot here that Peter hasn't already said. I wasn't QUITE as high on it as Peter, (the ending was rather stereotypical for how unique the rest of the film was) but the sheer originality and creative risk taken on such a high-profile franchise is very refreshing to see. Well done, Sony! It's certainly got my vote for Best Animated Feature of 2018! Also, Peter Porker FOR LIFE. What a performance from John Mulaney. That man can do no wrong!

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1/13/2019

Movie Review: Vice

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Christian Bale's performance is not enough

Vice (2018): The story of Dick Cheney, an unassuming bureaucratic Washington insider, who quietly wielded immense power as Vice President to George W. Bush, reshaping the country and the globe in ways that we still feel today.

Let's get the obvious out of the way first: Christian Bale is really good as Dick Cheney. Bale's quantifiable performance (he added 40 pounds for the role, changed his accent again, the whole nine yards) will be justifiably discussed at great length this award's season. (It's already netted him a Golden Globe) But it overshadows an abysmal script from director/screenwriter Adam McKay. This movie is an incoherent mess, and not even the terrific performances from its core cast are enough to save it.

I'm guessing this is what happens when Adam McKay is given near complete control over a project. To me, the issues here begin with the fact that no one was willing/able to tell the director that some of his ideas are bad ones. This film is a tonal disaster. One second, we're supposed to be really sad about something, the next we're supposed to feel anger, the next we're supposed to feel joy. All in three quick (and sometimes incoherent) cuts. McKay's textbook style does not jive with this story at all. His asides to explain difficult subjects (akin to explaining what CDOs and sub-prime loans are in The Big Short) feel awkward and forced, and the narrator (similar to Ryan Gosling's character in The Big Short) isn't integrated into the actual story anywhere near as well. But the biggest offender here is the editing.

I'm not sure why there's a huge drop-off between this and McKay's previous endeavor. The same editor (Hank Corwin) did both films, so why does the editing from The Big Short work so well but here it feels like an unwelcome menace? Nothing against Hank Corwin - the man is a legendary editor and will continue to be as much. In 2015, Hank Corwin received a deserving Oscar nomination for his editing on The Big Short. But here I think it's rather safe to say he will not. The editing is incomprehensible at points, and the "cut to something completely different that subtly progresses the story" style that worked so well in The Big Short was so bad in Vice that I just wanted it to go away. It made the film discombobulating and even uncomfortable at times.
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All of this dumbfounds me. The Big Short made my top 10 list in 2015 and has resonated with me far more than most films I have reviewed on this blog. And I have always been fascinated by the stealthy corruption of the Bush 43 administration. This project should've been a grand slam home run in my book! It's not all bad, though. One undeniably good thing is the acting. Beyond Bale's quantifiably good performance, you have stellar performances from the rest of the cast, too. (Pretty shocked this didn't get an ensemble nomination from the SAGs this year. Bohemian Rhapsody? C'mon....) Amy Adams is a tour de force, as always, only here her presence is felt even when she's not on screen. I was fascinated to learn of the power Lynne Cheney had over her husband.  Easily the most interesting thing about this film, her power is felt right from the first scene, which also happens to be one of the best sequences of the entire film. Oh ya, and the administration is great: Sam freaking Rockwell does a great George W. impression, Steve Carell is great as Rumsfeld, LisaGay Hamilton does a great Condoleezza Rice, and Tyler Perry continues to surprise when he feels like acting with a great Colin Powell. The 9/11 sequence in particular allowed Carell, Hamilton, and Perry to all shine brightly in their respective roles on one of the darkest days in American history.

However, the fact that that initial scene between Lynee and Dick is one of the best is as frustrating as it is invigorating to watch two world-class actors go at it on screen in a tense exchange. It's frustrating because this film does way more to tell you about Dick Cheney the man versus Dick Cheney, the ruthless VP under Bush 43. Adam McKay spent way too much time explaining how Cheney and his team dealt with the legality of his overreach versus actually showing us the overreaches he made. (Outside of the situation room on 9/11.) This is akin to my complaints with Bohemian Rhapsody from a few months ago, and here they are equally damning. As much as I do enjoy watching great actors be great, it's simply not enough to save this film from the infuriating realm of mediocrity. At the end of the day, that's where this film will forever rest.

Also, the "controversy" surrounding the end credits scene is dumb. #analysis

The Critique: Adam McKay spectacularly collapses on his follow-up to The Big Short with a messy script and indecipherable editing, despite terrific performances from its ensemble.

The Recommendation: ........eh? There's probably enough here for Adam McKay fans to enjoy it, as well as those who tend to vote blue, but there are better things to watch in the theater right now. Wait for it to hit streaming services.

Rewatchability: Moderately Low

The Verdict: 5/10 Painfully Average.


(But, for real, Adam McKay knew that post-credits scene would be the scene conservatives would glue on to, ignoring the rest of the film in the process. So, while it is an easy way for conservatives to avoid addressing the issues raised by the rest of the film, it's equally puzzling why this scene is in the movie at all. It accomplishes the same thing as calling out racists does.... the second you stoop down to their level and acknowledge them, you merely enable them and allow them to play the "victim" card, thus doing little outside of confirming what the rest of us already know and furthering their cause with those that don't.)

Play me off, Johnny!


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1/10/2019

Quick Reviews, Winter 2018 Part 2: Green Book, Welcome to Marwen, Mary Poppins Returns, Holmes & Watson, First Reformed

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Green Book

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Green Book (2018): A working-class Italian-American bouncer becomes the driver of an African-American classical pianist on a tour of venues through the 1960s American South.

(Warning: This review contains some spoilers.)

This charming little film comes to us from director Peter Farrelly. Fresh off the unprecedented triumph that was Dumb and Dumber To, Farrelly tapped Viggo Morensen and Mahershala Ali to lead a dramedy about Tony Lip and Dr. Don Shirley as the former drives the later through the 1960s deep south. It's a nice little film, (and vastly superior to Farrelly's previous work, obviously) but it's not without some rather glaring flaws. Most notably, how the film treats its subject matter. For a story about racism, it has an uncomfortably feel-good ending.  Farrelly and writers Nick Vallelonga/Brian Hayes Currie make the perplexing decision to give this film a really happy ending. An ending where it feels like the story is saying, "And that's how we solved racism, folks!" This seriously detracts from an otherwise enjoyable film. There are plenty of ways this film could've had an ending that reminds us that systemic racism is very alive and very well today, while still giving us the enjoyable ride to get there. And the rest of this is just that: enjoyable. Mortensen and Ali are soooooo charming together. They may very well be the best duo in a film this year. Their chemistry is worth the price of admission alone, and there are a lot of jokes that stem from this chemistry. You really feel for these two and their struggles to work together and find common ground. If only Tony Lip wasn't part of the problem here. His ridiculous arc is a man who goes from not even being able to keep glassware in his house because black people drank from it, to a man begging Dr. Shirley to eat dinner with his family on Christmas. Ya, totally cool, right? And, the family immediately accepts Dr. Shirley, because of course they do. Gah! This ending really bothered me, if you couldn't tell. It sucks. And it bothers me so much because the rest of the film is so good! But, end of the day, thanks this film is held back from greatness because of it's over-ambitious desire to be "the feel-good movie this holiday season."

​My Number: 7/10

Welcome to Marwen

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Welcome to Marwen (2018): A victim of a brutal attack finds a unique and beautiful therapeutic outlet to help him through his recovery process.

Ok, before I start trashing this movie, I'll say something nice. This movie has a really good idea. Somewhere in this mess, there's an interesting premise that's worth turning it to film. Aaaaaand that's all I got. Because the execution of this idea is nothing short of awful. There is zero passion for the craft here. The acting is terrible, the doll sequences are disappointing and look downright awful at times, and the very direction of what this film wants to be is nowhere to be found. Seriously….what is this film about? It takes on a bunch of ideas and doesn't execute any of them particularly well. Steve Carrell is completely miscast and unfortunately shows that he either needs a competent director or good actors to play off of to make a role truly memorable. While Leslie Mann is a great actress, she's clearly #InItForThePaycheck. No passion behind her performance whatsoever. It also doesn't help that script is TERRIBLE. There are a ton of cringe-worthy scenes that would never happen if you had even a mildly competent director at the helm. Which brings us to the elephant in the room: Robert Zemeckis, what are you doing man? It's pretty clear Zemeckis is 20 years past his prime, but this film shows his shortcomings even more so than Flight or The Walk. If you haven't figured it out yet, the synopsis here is simple: avoid this dumpster fire like the mother fing plague.

My Number: 2/10

Mary Poppins Returns

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Mary Poppins Returns (2018): Decades after her original visit, the magical nanny returns to help the Banks siblings and Michael's children through a difficult time in their lives.

I'll start by saying this: this film is definitely better than Rob Marshall's previous work, Into the Woods. But it's enjoyable for one reason and one reason only: Emily Blunt. Her performance as Mary Poppins carries this film and saves it from being a catastrophe. Because when Poppins is not on the screen, this movie is.... rough. The kids can't act, neither Ben Whishaw nor Emily Mortimer can sing, (and the former is given his own musican number, easily the weakest moment of the film) and even Lin-Manuel Miranda is basically just playing himself. Which is fine, because if anyone can play themselves it's him, but no one brings any complexity or depth to their characters outside of Mary Poppins herself. If there was any doubt that Emily Blunt is in the upper echelon of the Hollywood elite, Mary Poppins Returns should confirm that. The choreography is fantastic as well. The dancers utilize their surroundings far better than other recent musicals (looking at you, The Greatest Showman) even if some of the cinematography during the dance numbers is….. uncomfortable. The music is inconsistent, but when Mary Poppins was singing, the music, like the rest of the film, shined. And that's the big takeaway from this. Emily Blunt does everything she can to carry this film, but at the end of the day it's relegated to mediocrity because of an overall lack of direction. See it for the namesake, but do make sure to temper overall expectations.

My Number: 6/10

Holmes & Watson

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Holmes & Watson (2018): A humorous take on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's classic mysteries featuring Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson.

Most modern American comedies are nothing more than lightly edited improv, and have been justifiably criticized as such. So, when director Ethan Cohen (not that one) gets Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly together in a comedy for the first time in 10 years and can't even do that much? You have nothing short of a disaster on your hands. Arguably the worst film of the year, Holmes & Watson clumsily stumbles from one scene to the next without the slightest hint of direction or coherency. There is no semblance of pacing as scenes will literally stop dead in their tracks so Ferrell and Reilly can improv an extra 3 minutes of dialogue. It's padding for a film that laboriously struggles to reach the 90 minute mark. The “story” is ridiculous and doesn't even bother to adhere to the lore it is based on, (the “climax” takes place on the Titanic because I guess Sherlock Holmes was a thing in the 20th century....) and everyone, including Ferrell and Reilly, are #InItForThePaycheck. There's absolutely no care for the craft here as oftentimes basic rules of cinema aren't even followed, which leads to some hilariously disorienting scenes. (There are some jump cuts here where characters will teleport from one spot in the frame to the other without explanation.) This film is 90 minutes long, and is a complete waste of time outside of one really funny joke at the end of the "climax." Even though this funny joke makes absolutely no sense in the overall scheme of things. It should be fairly obvious at this point, but if not…… AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE.

My Number: 1.5/10. It gets a .5 just because the cameo at the end is really funny. Even if it makes zero sense.

First Reformed

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First Reformed (2018): A minister of a small congregation in upstate New York grapples with mounting despair brought on by tragedy, worldly concerns and a tormented past.


A24, where have you been hiding this one? One of the best sleepers of 2018, First Reformed is an intimate, disturbing, and fascinating character piece with a subtly terrific performance from its lead, Ethan Hawke. Hawke portrays Father Toller, a priest who is forever changed by his interactions with environmental activist / extremist Michael (Philip Ettinger) and his wife, Mary. (Amanda Seyfried) Also, Cedric the Entertainer is in this as the father of a much larger congregation, the official "megachurch" of the area.  All four shine here, but the intimacy of this story is what sells it. The entire film takes place in something like 4 sets, virtually all are minimalist in scope, and it lets you hone in on the torment and interior struggles of Father Toller. His character arc is equal parts fascinating and disturbing, leading to a climatic final act that left me speechless. It alone is worth the cost of admission. This movie is one that is significantly better if you go in cold, so take my word for it..... it's on Amazon Prime right now, and you should absolutely go check it out for Ethan Hawke's performance alone.

​My Number: 9/10

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1/8/2019

Movie Review: Shoplifters

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A wonderfully nuanced tale on what defines a family

Shoplifters (2018): A family of small-time crooks take in a child they find outside in the cold.

Every so often, a film comes along that blows you away in every sense of the phrase. These occurrences are even more illusive when you combine them with the ability to broaden your horizons about a certain subject pertaining to societal norms. However, Shoplifters does exactly that. One of the most inquisitive films I've ever seen, Shoplifters is a story told by writer/director Hirokazu Kore-eda. The Japanese director crafts a marvelous piece of cinema that effortlessly grips you from the first frame to the end credits. It's easily the best made film I've seen all year, with an equally enlightening story.

The film centers around a Japanese family that makes its living around the film's namesake. Each member of the family is masterfully crafted and portrayed. Kore-eda style bodes well for the actors involved here. Many of the scenes most emotional moments are improvised, (including the film's incredible climax) which leads to some of the incredibly genuine and heartfelt moments. The entire film basks in its intimacy: there's only a handful of shots with more than 5 people in the frame throughout the 121 minute runtime. This intimacy allows you to easily connect with each and every member of this diverse family. The first half of this film is a loving character piece made by a master filmmaker, and you'll find yourself so absorbed by it when it takes a hard right you're completely blindsided.

The final 30 minutes of this film are heart-wrenching and will make you question what it means to be a family. It's one of the best "hard rights turns" I've ever seen in a film, and thanks to the engaging character development in the first 90 minutes, every second of that final act is an emotional roller coaster. It is impossible to leave the theater without this film resonating in the depths of your mind and soul for days, if not weeks, afterwards. It certainly has with me. Every aspect of filmmaking is at its best here at the hands of Hirokazu Kore-eda. The lighting and set design (equally intimate in scale) are equally masterful. The film demands a second (or even third) watch so you can catch all the nuances you missed in the first go. It's one of the best stories I've ever seen, crafted by a master filmmaker, and more than fitting of Cannes Palme d'Or. Do make an effort to see it.

My Number: 10/10 Perfect


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